In Between Seasons

Chapter 31

When I woke the next morning I was still curled in ball, and I had to pry my aching eyes open. When I opened them Hunter was coming out of the bathroom. As our eyes met his jaw went taut, and he swallowed. His lips began to move to speak, but instead he shook his head and went to the door.

There were no words to say.

I heard the potted plant being kicked off the stairs as he swore, and I closed my eyes against the numb feeling taking over my body.

I felt nothing.

I felt everything.

I rubbed my eyes as I stood. I needed to get out of here, away from this bed—away from the reminders of what I wanted desperately but couldn't have. I knew I looked like shit, but I couldn't be here when Hunter came back. I couldn't stand that look in his eyes; the mix of intense longing, and the agonizing decision to hide it back where it belonged. Heat spread through my limbs as the knowledge fueled anger. I wanted to rip this world to shreds. There was nothing for me in it; at least not that I could have. I grabbed one of Hunter's sweatshirts and pulled it over my head, leaving the hood up as I slammed the door behind me and headed to the common room I would have to pass through to get to the library.

I didn't give a shit that my face was tearstained, or that I was wearing the same pants I had on yesterday. None of it mattered.

I walked into the library and shut the door behind me as I kicked off my shoes and sunk my toes into the carpet. I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of old paper until my heart calmed, and then I clicked the metal of the lock shut. I let my feet drag across the carpet as I moved to the window and looked out to see the men fighting.

Hunter's sixth sense sent his eyes up to meet mine and the heat rose in me again as I grinded my teeth, grabbing the curtains and whipping them closed. Dust billowed into the air from years of not having any one close them, and the sneeze that shook my body reminded me of the intense hurt consuming me. The anger melted as I slid on the chaise.

One stupid kiss.

One haunting touch.

And I was done for.

The denial was gone, and I was left with the knowledge of just how much I loved him. I pulled the blanket over my head, and I sunk inside myself. This world tainted everything it touched, and nothing good was left—could be left – beneath its menacing gaze.

I slipped into a dreamless sleep, half-awake, half-sleeping inside my emotions, only opening my eyes when I heard the men coming inside for the night. I cringed against their laughter and ratcheted up the volume of the iTouch.

The next day when I woke I paced the room counting how many books each shelf contained, but I wasn't willing to open one up and read it. I couldn't think of anything but that kiss. I closed my eyes as goosebumps traveled up my skin at the thought of his hands gliding over the bare skin of my waist.

I would have given him everything.

I would have melded every part of me into him.

My breath caught in my throat.

I already had.

Love hadn't existed in this world. Only hate, deceit and lies, but by letting him in I'd let all of that crumble. By letting me in he'd done the same, and now we were engaged in an even deadlier game than before.

We weren't enemies as we had been born to be.

We weren't friends as we had come to be.

Then what were we? I let my hands run through my hair as I clasped my eyes shut even tighter.