Monologues for the Young Actor [Monologue Collection]

6. It's Not Laziness, It's Common Sense (C)

a worker at a diner teaches a new worker how to procrastinate  

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Est. Run Time: 1:00.00-1:15.00

Suggested Props: none

Suggested Costuming: maybe a work uniform/apron

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Okay, so here's the thing with jobs. You see, when you're given a job, you wanna make it look like it's really hard and takes a really long time, no matter how quick or easy it is. I mean, you don't wanna do more work than you have to, am I right? That's what we all do here, at least.

*pauses, as if listening to someone's response* What, you don't believe me? Hmm. Okay, I'll give you an example.

So it's a lovely Saturday morning, and you have to put away the dishes that the dishwasher cleaned overnight. Fun, right? What you do is you make it last hours, so your parents don't shove any more icky responsibilities on you. They come downstairs and ask, "*fakes Southern/older voice* Sweetie, why've you been doing the dishes for six solid hours?" And you say, "*fakes Southern/childish voice* I'm making sure I do it just right, Mommy!" Parents always love a job well done, you know? I mean, it's not like they want bowls where the plates go or knives where the sporks go. *pauses curiously* Do you have sporks at your house? I didn't think so.

So. The moral of the story is to make everything look really hard. We all do it here at Casey's Diner. Maybe that's why we're going out of business.... Nah, it's probably something else.

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Notes: This one is actually from a musical of the same name of the monologue. It's the first musical I ever began to work on; consequently, it is also the worst and will probably never see the light of day, or, in this case, see the curtain rise on opening night. It still, of course, holds a special place in my heart. The musical was actually inspired by this monologue, which was inspired by someone I was once in a theatre class with. He and I were working on a scene about a dining room together, and he started to coach me similarly how the speaker in this monologue did. So, while not my best work, this monologue (cheesiness of all cheesiness) does hold a special place in my heart.