Monologues for the Young Actor [Monologue Collection]

23. The Worst Kind of Nerd (C)

a theatre nerd admits to their dastardly theatre nerd-iness  

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Est. Run Time: 1:15.00

Suggested Props: none

Suggested Costuming: not necessary, but an overly-obvious costume of some sort might be fun

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I am a nerd.

To make matters worse, I'm not your average nerd. I'm not a brainiac with geeky glasses and buck teeth and braces and a bowl cut. I'm not the type that *whispers* whispers and st-stammers and spouts meaningless facts like the first fifteen digits of pi—3.141592653589793, in case you were wondering—and who does math problems for fun? Ew. I'm not even the anime nerd that speaks Japanese and fangirls over hot anime boys and calls everyone [insert someone's name]-chan and [insert someone else's name]-kun. No, even they are marginally better than the type of nerd that I am, surprisingly enough.

No, no, I'm a worse kind of nerd. The worst kind of nerd.

I am a theatre nerd.

You know, the kind that writes scripts and monologues for fun, and who auditions for every show from here to the moon and back. The kind that's a bunch of loud weirdos with a passion for weird voices and crazy accents. The kind that moves around onstage more than a football player moves around on the field, the kind that moves their hands and gestures when they speak, even when they're not Italian. (And that usually results in someone getting hit in the face—*hits someone nearby accidentally* Sorry!) The kind that knows every Broadway show and can recite every line from everything ever. [insert line from favorite show or even the show being auditioned for] Yeah, that kind.

We're loud and weird and crazy and energetic and expressive and passionate and annoying—okay, that annoying part might be a personality thing, and that might just be me. But everything else we pretty much are.

But it's worth it to us. So we keep going even further and further into our nerdiness with no regrets whatsoever. So then the vicious cycle repeats. Just like a Shakespearian tragedy, we're doomed to our theatre nerd-ness, our fatal flaw. Just like every show out there, though, we take the world by storm! So omigod you guys! Theatre nerds unite! Someone find me an auditorium and a stage! (And let me tell you, no more are the quiet tech theatre geeks a thing. They're the craziest ones of all of us, because instead of expressing their weirdness onstage, they have to bottle it up.)

So yeah. I'm a theatre nerd. And we're the worst kind of nerd. So you better watch out.

Oh! But you know the only worse type of nerd out there, the only type that's worse than a theatre nerd?

A musical theatre nerd. *pauses* Oh, and the candy Nerds. They're just too sweet. Plus, they ruin your teeth.

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Notes: This monologue is supposed to be as stupidly over-dramatic as possible - after all, that is the stereotype about us actors, is it not? (No comment on the truth of that statement.) And yes, the "omigod you guys" part is intended as a reference to Legally Blonde: The Musical. If you're of the musical theatre variety, not just a theatre nerd, feel free to belt that part to your heart's content.