Food Queen (Completed)

Chapter 13

The mirror reflecting my tall body  exposes every weak spot. Every flaw. Every strange detail in how it's built, every misshapen birthmark. Unable to escape my gaze. But also the ones that aren't so bad. I drop my hands to my sides, watching the naked version of me. This could be good. Without asking I feel the rise of disgust. Even though my skin smells like cherry blossom after the quick shower, blossom is the last thing I feel like. Here it comes. Sneaking up my back. Nervousness. The thought of meeting someone jabs me down instead of embracing every piece possible. It's a rollercoaster up and down. Only able to feel beautiful when alone. Otherwise it's forbidden land.

A gust ruffles the leaves on the window sill. The belly bulging a little at my front. The bitten nails. The long flissy hair hanging down over my shoulders reaching all the way down beneath the breasts. Shaped like small sqeezed pears. I grunt.
I like myself. But who else will?

Maybe things would get better when I got a boyfriend. So they did, for a start, but only in the beginning. After some months the unwanted feelings came back, at full force this time. Still all these insecurities. Making me more nervous than I ever was.

Grab it.

Punch it.

I meet the gaze of the purple orbs orbing me from the reflection. Analyzing my look for tonight. The wide skirt is falling elegantly down my legs, swiftly painting them black with it's fabric. Mix matched with an oceanblue top and a necklace with tiny blue stones.
I wonder what he'll think.
But it doesn't matter. If something goes wrong I'll do what I always do.
Run.

I heavily let my body shake with a deep breath. He is a friend, not a hook-up. This thought won't ever make any good. Not for me. Not for Nick. Not for us. Maybe Kylie was right after all in her opinion. Everybody is cheating.
So the best I can do is forget.
Still. It makes me wonder if forget would make room for regret...

---

Steering the car perfectly between the two white lines marking the parking lot outside Nando's, I pull the handbrake. Getting out, ready for tonight. After some moments of searching I find Niall by the entrance, meeting my gaze as I come closer. He wears a newly ironed shirt - checked in black and green - black jeans from Ireland and a worn bomberjacket.

"Are you ready?"

He throws his irish hands inside his irish pockets, casting me a smile. I nod. I can't place the fact that we're actually going to see Toy story 3.

Niall points at a green car in the far back of the parking lot, even worse parked than before.
As we reach it he opens my door for me with an irish gesture and walks off for his own.
I don't move a muscle. After doing something undecipherable in his car he looks up, noticing I'm not inside.

"What are you waiting for?" he asks, his sexy irish accent peering through.

"Ehm... I think it's better if I drive."

He looks at me for a moment. Quizled, then over to my car by the other side, much older than his.

"Why?" he asks.

"I just think it will be safest that way."

I carefully avoid orbcontact. Shrugging he reach for his carkeys.

"Okay. I just need to get something."

As he crawls deeper into the car I feel utter surprise taking me within a strong grip. My heart skyrocket.
It's full of Sinead O'Connor music. Every shelf and cupboard's stuffed with CDs and pictures of the irish superstar. Nothing else.

I walk off to prepare my own car for the ride. Igniting the engine and pulling up beside him. Niall climbs inside and hands me a CD.

"So this is your car. Here, play this one."

I look at it. Feeling bitter irony grow through me. Seriously. Now I have two crystal blue orbs to look at.
It's a One Direction album. Probably the only one among every thousand of Sineads.

As I put it inside the CD-player the first tones of What makes you beautiful goes on at full force.
Starting to drive I feel a terrible, barely manageable, sting of guilt as I remember my own struggle with the exact same kind of trouble. Latest time for just an hour ago.
Niall cast me an irish look. Searching through every part of my body with crystal blue orbs. I stubbornly insist keeping my orbs on the road, searching my brain for something, anything, to talk about. God bless the music playing meanwhile. But in the end it's not me who are finding the words.

"You are a really good driver. Can you drive with no hands?"

Releaf calms my veins. I thought I didn't mind silence but apparently I did this time.

"Yes, but I am not doing it here in the middle of London."

He nodds, thoughtfully understanding, but I free my hands anyway just a short while to show him that I can. The red nose of my Ford Fiesta staying as perfect as before.

"I wish I could drive that good. Want to know a secret?"

I cast him a look in the rearview mirror. Encouraging him to go on.

"I don't have a driving license."

After realizing what exactly he'd just told a moment ago his hands rushes up his arms and body. Some kind of protection mechanic I guess.

"Don't tell anybody." he hastily inclines, searching contact to my orbs.

With orbs widening I stare at the cars driving in front of us. The redlight coming closer for every metre.
That explains a lot. Why his car always is wrong parked, his lights going out all the time and the fact that it seems to be the car controlling him and not the other way around.

"That is dangerous." I say.

Then changing gears, in the meantime coming up with an idea.

"We should make a deal."

He looks at me. Wondering where I am going with this.

"If you stop driving 'til you get your licence, I stop visit restaurants without paying."

A small smile touches his irish lips.

"Why?"

I bite my tongue.

"Haven't you noticed how bad a driver you are?"

He frowns very irishly.

"Excuse me, what kind of insult is that?"

As soon as it came his smile disappears. I hold on to the wheel, keeping my orbs on the road. Not wanting to meet him when I utter my next words.

"You can barely drive! You have to stop before someone gets hurt!"

He sighs. The air going deep down his lungs. Irishly iching his irish hairline.

"Well it's a strange decision but I understand your reasoning. You know, I have to drive. It's not my car though, well it is, I ordered Louis to buy it for me though I obviously can't. Anyway, I will not give up driving just because you think it's unsafe and would do something everyone have to in their everyday life for exchange."

I clench my teeth, angrily staring into the distance. This is wrong, but I obviously can't change his mind.
Yet.
The CD has reached the high end of the song. The chorus going on repeat and I suddenly remember everything. Struggles, demons, looks. Niall is watching me closely again behind his irish orblashes with that searching look and to my astonishment, and increasing vulnerability, I realize he has also found something.