Joan

Chapter XXIII

I need to write a book someday; it'll be titled: When Shit Hits the Fan, and it'll contain helpful tips from me on how to get out of situations only one percent of the population will probably ever get into. You know, for those unusual, zany moments. Like being in the clutches of a giant, monster bird who's flying higher and higher until you start to feel lightheaded. Yes, those annoying moments.

But in all seriousness, I'm hanging by the back of my shirt a thousand miles in the air!

The most important thing to me right now is staying conscious because the second I blackout is the instant I'm falling towards my death. Kind of sucks that I don't have any special equipment like air force pilots do, but hey, what should I expect being the grasp of a bloodthirsty bird?

I take calm, steady breaths, making sure my breathing isn't too shallow and quick or too rapid and deep- I need to find that balance. It might just be in my mind, but it honestly feels like it's working for me.

Finally, signaling with an ear-bleeding cry, the creature stops its ascent (good, I was worried it might take me up to heaven and I know they'd run me out on a rail up there).

Don't look down, don't look down, don't look-

It's like my falling-from-space-to-Earth-nightmare come true, except I won't wake up when I hit the ground.

This is how it's going to end, huh? I'm going to fall to my death bird style in a strange land being harassed by a freak who's kidnapped my brother. Speaking of Jack, what about him? What's going to happen to him if I don't survive? Am I just going to let that jerkwad Tymos win that easily?

Hell no.

I am not being taken out by freakin' Big Bird's reject brother, no, I'm getting myself out of this mess in order to save my brother, win this "game" (my competitive spirit lives), and make it to the Olympics.

Despite the noise going on around me, I'm able to hear the back of my shirt continue to tear- the only thing, and I mean only thing keeping me from falling to my death.

It's actually at this time, as I hang on by a literal thread, that I remember I still have my sword with me.

So, I'm not actually sure what my plan is with this, but that's never deterred me before. I get the sword out of its makeshift sheath, grip the bird's talon with one hand, then, with all my might plunge the sword into the center of the talon.

I have to say, I get it in there pretty good. The bird's high-pitched scream testifies to that fact.

Unfortunately, I underestimated the reaction that would result, and as the creature flaps around like a crazed lunatic, I lose my grip and feel the back of my shirt tear free.

It probably takes my brain a full second to figure out that I'm falling to my death and another second for a strangled scream to escape me. I hate my scream so I try never to use it, but I'm about to die so I might as well let the world hear my crappy yell.

There's still some part of me that believes I can survive this impact by finding a tree to break my fall. Yeah, I'll just try to fall into a tree that way I can break all my bones before hitting the ground. I'm AP material I tell ya.

As the top of the trees become closer and closer, I brace for impact...only to feel my body snap back by force. Opening my eyes, I see the treetops begin to shrink again as I'm pulled back up.

The creature seems to have recovered from my assault, which is a good and bad thing. Good because I'm still alive, bad because I've pissed it off.

This time, instead of keeping me in its clutches, I'm hanging by the back of my shirt in its beaked mouth. I mean, I'm definitely more secure, but the question is do I really want to be?