Joan

Chapter XL

"I kinda regret going into this without a game plan."

"Is it already that time of the day? The time where I get to tell Joan 'I told you so'?"

"Jack, I swear."

"How did you think this was going to turn out?"

"Ugh, look, I know this whole mess is because of me-"

"-mhh, yeah, it is."

"And I know we only have like less than half an hour before mom and dad come home and see this mess-"

"-keep it comin', keep it comin'."

"But I know that together we can fix this."

"Oh, God, she's done it. I. Can't. Handle. The...cheesiness."

"Look, are you with me or not?"

"It's not my ass on the line for this, they put you in charge."

"Oh, come on, Jack, as smart as you are, you really think when mom and dad put me 'in charge' that they're actually putting me in charge?"

"What?"

"I'll translate for you. When mom and dad say: 'Joan, you're in charge', they really mean: 'Joan, we're only saying you're in charge because age-wise you're older but your maturity level is shit so therefore, Brent, you're in charge'. You gotta read in between the lines with them."

"Argh, crap! I really wish you were wrong but that actually sounds like what they mean when they say that. So that's why they always look at me when they tell you that?"

"Yup, so it's both our asses on the line if they come home to this."

"Fine, so what's your big idea on how to fix this, Eisenstein?"

"Um, I'm not the straight-As student here so..."

"And I'm not the jackass that decided to clog the toilet and bust the pipes so..."

"I think mom and dad really need to invest in a new piping system or whatever."

"Or maybe a new daughter- ow!"

"You need to work on your whispering game."

"It was meant to be heard. But ow, that hurt, you know I bruise easily."

"Child, stop, the house already stinks, we don't need anymore BS. Now come on and get the mop and bucket. Do you know where the toolbox is?"

"Toolbox? What do you think this is? Home Depot? Welcome to the Domshov household where the closest thing we have to tools is a Phillips screwdriver and duck tape."

"Ugh, are you kidding me? How am I supposed to fix anything without tools?"

"You can try to run to grandma and grandpa's house and borrow their toolbox."

"God, just kill me now. Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"My movie premiere tickets with Nora flying away."

"Okay, well if you still wanna go to the movies then we need to get started pronto."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. I guess we should start mopping everything up first then I'll check on the toilet later."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Pass me those paper towels. Thanks."

"...you know."