Joan

Chapter XLIV

By nightfall, I'm feeling pretty satisfied with our progress, yet at the same time a bit nervous due to the fact I'm not sure how close we are to our destination.

After such a long, draining day, it feels nice to relax and unwind by the small fire (which is more for light than warmth out here). Nimu has already turned in for the night, Chasan pokes at the fire absentmindedly, and Lan nods off, muttering something under his breath every so often. The only one staying strong with me is Dhisnaek, who sits as solemn as a statue.

He must feel my stare and looks up, giving me a small reassuring smile.

"Thinking hard about something?" I ask, scooting closer to his side.

Shaking his head, he slowly strokes his beard, staring off into his own world again.

"Just the usual thoughts."

"Ah. Are these the thoughts that prevent you from sleep or are these different thoughts?" I ask, a hinting playful nature to my voice.

Glancing at me briefly, he smiles. "They are one and the same, unfortunately."

"So no sleep tonight?"

"We shall see. Perhaps I can put these thoughts to rest for the night at least."

A lull passes between us, with no sound but the dense jungle softly breathing around us- even Lan's quiet, steady stream of muttering has died.

"You know," I begin, trying to sound nonchalant. "My old coach used to makes us do these group discussion activities to share our feelings- I hated them- but they really did help. Maybe unpacking things from your mind might help you fall asleep easier."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, making me think he's not ready to share his thoughts with me, but he eventually replies.

"I wouldn't want to burden you with such things."

I wave a dismissive hand. "We're family, we can share just about anything with each other. Just lay it on me."

After another, but shorter, moment of thought, he finally relents.

"I suppose that's true. I've never spoken about such things, though, so I'm not entirely certain how to go about telling you everything."

I lean back, stretching my long legs out as I take a page from my mom's book.

"Then start from the beginning."

Letting out a tired sigh that seems like it stretches infinitely, he begins thoughtfully.

"I suppose I should begin from the very start- the start of my life. I won't bore you with all the needless details, though. Just know I was born in the mountainous region of Edalirwen- a completely different terrain than here and, in fact, most of Edalirwen. My father was the chief of my village and I was his pride and joy, he would never let me forget how much I meant to him. He loved my mother and I and led our village with wisdom and fairness, which created a harmonious childhood for me. But," He lingered on that but. "I was not my father's firstborn."