Closet Thoughts (a short Joshler story) 🏳️‍🌈 ✔️

🚗15⛽️🚦🛣

Talking about self harm again. Stay safe

A week passed and Tyler and Josh decided together that, since they'd spent every weekend together for the past few weeks, they'd spend it with other people this weekend.

So Josh was at Colin's place and Tyler was, well...

He was laying in bed in his room, cuddled up in way too many blankets, with tear stains on his face yet again. He stared at his text messages with Josh, and then at the book shelf that was filled with books from his childhood. He put his phone down and walked to the bookshelf. He removed a few books and reached all the way to the back, where his fingers wrapped around a red metal object. He grabbed it, looked at the pocket knife in his hand, and put the books back.

He flipped open the knife and looked at it, biting his lip. He turned it around between his fingers, then poked his fingertip with tip of the knife, drawing a tiny droplet of blood.

He wanted to walk to the door to lock it, but then hesitated. His eyes flicked to his phone that was unlocked on his bed, still showing his and Josh's texts.

"Ily, ty." was the last text he'd gotten from Josh. Tyler bit his lip, eyes going from his phone to the door, then his phone, back to the door. He sighed deeply.

•

"What movie d'you wanna watch next, Josh?" Colin asked. "Uhm... oh! Maybe we can watch-" he started, but stopped when his phone buzzed.

Four hours ago

Tyler:
Have fun, Joshie

Josh:
Ily, Ty.

Now

Ty:
S.L.G.B.A.

Josh:
What?

Ty:
Sad Lonely Gay Boy Alarm

Josh:
Omw

Ty:
'What?'

Josh:
Omg don't mock me, shut up baby

Ty:
Make me

Please

I need it really badly

Josh:
I'll be right there

"...well?" Colin asked, waiting for Josh to tell him which movie they could watch next. "I gotta go", Josh said. "Hm. Never heard of that movie", Colin replied.

"It's not a movie, silly", Josh said. "I gotta go. There's an emergency", he said, getting up. "Oh no, what kind of emergency?" Colin asked worriedly, hoping his friend's family was alright.

"SLGBA", Josh said. Colin frowned. "S L What now?" He asked. "Can I google that?"

Josh let out a soft laugh. "No, probably not. But I gotta go, I'll text you later alright?" Josh said. "Yeah of course, no worries. Hope everything is alright", he said. Josh sent him an appreciative smile, a tight hug, and then left.

•//

There was a knock on the door and Tyler's bedroom door opened. Josh walked in, dropping his bag, before he crawled on the bed and wrapped his best friend up in a hug. It was dark in the room, even though it was sunny outside; no lights were on and the curtains were closed.

"J-" Tyler started, but Josh shut him up by kissing the boy he was in love with. Tyler's hands rested in Josh's neck as he softly, gently returned the kiss.

When they pulled back, Josh ran his hand through Tyler's hair. "You told me to make you shut up", Josh softly spoke. "Sorry."

"Don't; I really needed that", Tyler softly said. "I've been relapsing", he softly said.

"Did you hurt yourself, Ty?" Josh asked softly. Tyler shook his head. "Wanted to. But I texted you instead", Tyler said. Josh's butterfly-filled tummy made him feel fuzzy. "So proud of you, bestie", Josh softly told him. Tyler smiled softly.

"I don't know why I'm still feeling this shitty", Tyler muttered. "I got you; you know who I really am, you're like me too, you even love me", Tyler softly said. "Yet I'm still feeling dreadful when I'm alone."

"I think it's because you're still not able to really be you 'cause only you and I know that you're gay", Josh told him as he softly scraped his fingernails against Tyler's scalp, almost making him purr as he closed his eyes and leaned into his best friend.

"...yeah, maybe", Tyler softly replied. "I'm sorry I ruined your day."

"Don't be sorry. I love hanging out with Colin but I prefer hanging out with you any time", Josh told him. Tyler blushed. "Scary love", he replied. Josh raised an eyebrow. "What?" He asked.

Tyler sat up. "C'mere", he said, patting the bed. Josh got on it fully and Tyler crawled on his legs so he was straddling his lap.

He kissed his best friend softly in the dark, before leaving a peck on his chin and cheek, and another one and another one. He moved to Josh's earlobe and then his neck.

"Baby, I got good luck with you. I didn't know we'd get so far and it's only the start. Baby, you got me worried", Tyler softly sang as he kissed Josh's neck.

"Your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do, I need you here.
Your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do, I need you here", he continued, leaving slightly open mouthed kisses on Josh's shoulder as he pushed the muscle tee off his shoulder.

"You look better every day, I swear. Really, it's a little unfair. Baby, I'm star-struck by you. Didn't know we'd get so far and it's only the start. Baby, you got me worried", Tyler continued, sliding his hands under Josh's shirt on his back, then moving his hands up and down the soft skin.

"Your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do. I need you here. Your love is scaring me. No one has ever cared for me as much as you do. I need you here", he finished.

Josh pressed a soft kiss in Tyler's neck now. "It makes me nervous", Tyler whispered.

"I'm never gonna stop caring for you, Ty", Josh told him. Tyler smiled softly. "I'm so in love with you."

~~

Yay whoop here's another chapter! Sorry it took a few days. I was really busy and very tired so I didn't write very much. But yay! New chapter!

What d'you think of this? Let me know! I'd love to hear your opinion on this chapter.

Song used:

Scary Love - the Neighbourhood

Word count: 1058