Closet Thoughts (a short Joshler story) 🏳️‍🌈 ✔️

👩🏻‍🌾25🐷🥕🌾

Tyler was laying on his bed in his boxers, while Josh's head rested between Tyler's hipbones as he faced up to Tyler. He was following his own finger as it gently drew shapes on Tyler's scarred tummy, leaving kisses once in a while.

Tyler was almost scared to breathe 'cause whether he'd breathe through his belly or his chest, his tummy would always move in some way. He didn't want josh to stop what he was doing, which is what made him scared to breathe.

"Keep breathing, my love", Josh whispered once in a while, and Tyler would nod and breathe properly again, looking down at Josh and his gentle fingertips moving around on his skin.

"Joshua?" Tyler whispered softly. Josh's eyes darted up to look at Tyler. He pressed a soft kiss on his baby's tummy. "Yeah, love?" He asked, drawing a heart shape on Tyler's tummy.

"I've never felt more comfortable with my body than I did in the bathtub and I do now, with you", he whispered, not wanting to disrupt Josh a lot. He wanted him to keep going.

"It- it was never really about being too fat or too skinny 'cause I've been playing basketball for as long as I can remember and that hasn't really been a big issue for me, but... but it was always about my skin", he said softly. "A long time ago I was more than fine with my skin but.... but now, the wounds and the scars... I really, really don't like my body anymore", he softly said. "But you... you seem to..." be trailed.

"Love you?" Josh asked. Tyler bit his lip. "I do", Josh said. "I do love you, and your skin, your body. I love all of you", he said. "Let me draw you a doggo", he then said softly as he drew a dog shape on Tyler's tummy with his finger.

"It feels weird", Tyler whispered. "But it feels so good", he added, almost inaudibly.

"I does feel good, it really does", Josh agreed. "I... I know we're in private and- and it's just us and no one else but... at this moment..." Tyler trailed. He bit his lip firmly.

"It feels good to be gay", he softly said.

Josh smiled up at his baby. "It feels great to be gay", he smiled. "In moments like this, I'm glad I'm gay. I can't imagine being straight and being in this setting with a girl. I can't imagine being gay and being in this setting with another boy either, for that matter", he said then. "You're really the one and only boy - person, creature even - that I'd want to be with", he said. "You're my one and only", Tyler said softly. "I love you josh", he said softly. "I love you, tyler", he replied.

Both boys were quiet then, as they enjoyed each other's skin against themselves. Tyler's thoughts about josh, being gay, being out, basketball, high school, college, his friends, family, team, scholarship were racing, Josh's thoughts were filled with how much he loved Tyler, both boys were silent.

"I wish we could stay here forever like this", Tyler whispered. "No more basketball, no more outsiders, no more worrying about my sexuality and future. Just us, forever us, always us together with the two of us right here", he said softly.

Josh grabbed Tyler's hand and he left long, loving kisses on his hand. "Me too baby, I wish we could", he replied softly. "We can pretend that's how it is for tonight", he said. Tyler nodded softly. "Yeah", he whispered.

//

More practices, more cuddles and kisses and more days of high school passed. Tonight was the night.

Tyler felt like he was about to cry as they were in the dressing room before the game. He was incredibly stressed about being the captain and leading the game, he didn't know what to tell his team as pep talk, he didn't even know to keep his own legs underneath him and move him to the field once they were about to go inside to play the game.