anxiety {s.p}

dear diary (kali)

//kali's diary\\

she stood out in the crowd, was a little too loud.

i've always been loud, annoying even. connor always tells me that's what people say about me-why would he lie to his sister?

i've never been pretty or skinny or any of that. plus i'm constantly making noise. annoying, i know.

in middle school i lost a lot of friends and thats when it got bad.

that's when i decided to try selfharm.

i never thought it'd spiral out of control like this.

honestly, if i could ever have anyone sing to me, i'd want it to be that song (are you happy now-megan and liz).

why? so many reasons. i've always been bullied.

and sometimes the people who bullied me would throw a pity-party about how they were bullied.

if it felt like h e l l to you, than why'd you wanna put them through it?

i don't get it. i really don't.

i never 'get' anything. math, jokes, games, anything. i remember when connor tried to help me with school.

he was being so patient and so kind; but i wasn't getting it. i'll never get it.

i don't get how you can get a number from a letter.

i don't get anything having to do with the cell cycle.

i don't get why some nouns are capitalized and some aren't.

i don't get why hitler did what he did.

i don't get why people get mad at me for not getting it.

i don't get why i need to cry when i don't get something.

i don't get why i'm even here anymore.

i'm stupid. i'm worthless. i'm ugly. i'm fat. i'm never enough.

i mean look-my boyfriend commited suicide.

//end of entry\\

[a/n

OK SO THAT WAS DEPPRESSING AND POSSIBLY EXACTLY HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING EXCEPT THAT CONNOR FRANTA'S HER FUCKING

BROTHER. ANYWAYS I PRETTY MUCH JUST WROTE IT LIKE MY OWN DIARY BUT REPLACED MY BROTHERS NAME WITH CONNORS OOPS. MY BOYFRIEND DIDN'T COMMIT SUICIDE, BUT KALI'S BOYFRIEND DID IN THE FANFICTION AND HES DEAD. ALMOST 200 READS ILYSFM!]