My Roommate Is A Tomboy

Still Up

I don't know what I expected as I dragged myself towards the direction of my room. Ella wanted to see me. That was a surprise,considering how well she was trying to avoid me lately. I wondered why there weren't any butterflies. Maybe it was the high. My mind was too hyped up to feel any real emotions. I felt like I was just on a mission to meet up with someone I was forbidden to meet. That it was just business. Nothing more, nothing less.

I expected to walk into an empty room but Ella was already there. She was sitting on my bed, her head towards the window. She turned as I walked in.

"You wanted to see me?" I said, trying to sound casual.

"Yeah," she replied.

I waited for her to go on but she didnt say or do anything. Having nothing else to do, I also sat down awkwardly on the bed, on another corner. I sighed deeply without realizing it.

"You okay?" She asked.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see her eyeing me. I felt too conscious of my eyes, I couldn't look at her.

"I'm okay," I replied.

Silence again. I didnt mind. I felt great internally. No emotions.

"What are up to?" She asked me after a while.

"What?" I glanced at her for a split second, but it was long enough for her to notice my eyes.

"Liz," she came closer. "Look at me."

"Why?" I asked defiantly without turning up my head.

"Just look at me," she insisted.

Oh well, here comes the drama!

I turned and faced her. I felt a grin forming in my face against my will. I willed for it to disappear but it stayed frozen on my face.

"What's up!" I grinned.

"Are you high?" She asked, squinting her eyes at me.

"No," I lied.

"Liz, don't lie to me," she said. "You know I know you too well to see through your lies."

"You don't know me," I replied defiantly and turned away.

Ella remained speechless for sometime. I could hear her sighing to herself.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked. "I came here because the last time I saw you, you were in a mess. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Why do even care?" I replied haughtily. "You were the one who moved out. And for the record, I can do whatever I want. Whenever I want. With whoever I want."

"Thats it?" Ella replied. "You're hung up on me moving out? If thats the reason you're behaving this way, I could move back in right now if it would make you feel better."

"I don't care where you have gone or where you've been okay?" I said, my voice rising. "I told you I'm okay. And I don't need you to check on me or pity me. You can go check out on Jenny. She's your priority, isn't she?"

I stunned Ella into immobility and speechlessness. I turned to look at her but she turned away from me, avoiding my look.

"Fine," she mumbled, standing up. "I get it."

Without another word, she opened the door and walked out. Alone on my bed, I watched the door Ella just walked through. I didnt know what I felt. Empty emotions. Like everything was just a dream. It felt so surreal. My mind seemed so tired and active at the same time. I could even hardly remember the conversation we just had. It felt like a fading dream. Coming in and going off. I concluded I need another joint to totally forget everything instead of staying lukewarm.

"How'd it go?" That was the first thing Courtney asked me when I went back.

"I..," I stammered. "I dont know. I don't really know what happened."

"I knew this would happen," she sighed.

"I need another one," I demanded.

"Thats enough for you," she said firmly.

"Just one," I pleaded. "I'm not at peace. I really need it."

The effect was wearing off. I was starting to recall part of the conversation I had back in my room and it was not pleasant to remember them. I was starting to see Ella's face. Her sad face. Her walking out of my room.

"Courtney, please."

Courtney gave in after some persuasion. A few minutes later, I was smiling again in blissful ignorance. I know I was gonna wake up with regrets but I was enjoying too much to let that though kill my vibe right then. Courtney didnt smoke, she was writing something on her table with her back to me. I didnt mind getting high alone. My mind had lots of interesting ideas to keep me entertained. If I had weed by my side for life, I'd need no one, I thought to myself.

"Who needs her anyway," I thought out loud. "I can always find someone."

Courtney stopped her writing. But she didnt turn around.

"Someone else," I reassured myself.

A long pause. My mind was playing tricks on me. I was getting sadder by the minute.

"Someone just like her," I whispered.

Courtney turned around.

"Hey Liz," she called from where she was sitting. "Why don't you lie down and rest for a while?"

I stared at the bed. It looked inviting. I shuffled to the bed and laid down. So relaxing! Felt like heaven on earth. I was dreaming without really knowing what I was dreaming about. And then I think I fell asleep.