My Roommate Is A Tomboy

Goodbye Ella

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking at my door. I was so sleepy. I considered whether or not to answer the door. I glanced at the clock. It was only 5. Who on earth would be waking me up so early? I decided not to answer the door and fell asleep again. When I woke up later, it was already 9. I checked my phone. There was a lone message. From Ella.

"I came by to see you but I guess you were still asleep. I'm leaving today. I wish you well. :')"

Received at 5:41 am.

Something inside me snapped. I suddenly felt like the loneliest person on earth. Shaking, I dialed her number but I got a busy tone. Worst assumptions crept up again. She must be talking with her new babe. I wish I had woken up and answered the door earlier. Tears fell out unintentionally. Once she goes away from here, I know I'd never see her again. And I don't even know if I'm gonna get over her at all. Hugging my knees, I sat on my bed and stared blankly at my phone. Even as I stared at it, Ella's call lighted up my phone. Trembling, I picked up eagerly.

"Hey Liz," I heard her voice.

"Ella, where are you?" I asked with urgency.

"Star Cafe," she answered. For a moment, I thought she wasn't leaving but her next words shrank my hopes. "Getting my stuff ready."

"Okay," I replied. I had nothing else to say. I wanted to see her, talk to her but somehow I knew that wasn't gonna change her mind about leaving.

"If you're not busy right now, we could have a short meeting for old time's sake, you know," she said. "I've got about a few minutes before I go."

"Okay,"

"Meet you in the green bench on the compound in 10 minutes,"

She hung up.

I did a double quick wash up and rushed outside. She was already there. My heart pounded as I neared her. I wished it was just some other typical day where we can meet and then see each other the next day and the next day and the next day. But this was a farewell meeting. I felt like I wasn't gonna be strong enough to meet her today.

"Hey," she smiled at me.

She looked quite well. She trimmed her hair a little shorter than what she used to have.

"Hey," I forced a smile, trying to remain brave as I sat down beside her.

"How have you been?" She asked.

"Good," I lied. "You?"

"I'm okay," she answered.

Awkward silence. We don't even know how to conversate normally anymore.

"So ... " I trialed. "You're leaving huh?"

"Yeah, waiting for the uber to arrive,"

"Where are you going?"

"L.A.," she answered. "I'm gonna be an assistant film producer."

"That's wonderful," I mocked pretended I was happy for her. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you," she smiled. "Maybe one fine day, I'll produce a story of us and how we never got to be together."

"Ella,"

"Hm?"

"What if I begged you not to go?"

She turned to me. It was the first time I saw her eyes in like forever. Her normally sparkling green eyes looked dull and tired.

"Its too late for that now," she answered sadly.

I nodded as I stared at my feet. My tears were threatening to come out. I was doing all I can to contain it.

"I wish things have turned out differently," she sighed. "I'd never have to go."

"But Ella," I cried. "We can still work it out. If you stayed, I promise this time it'll be us against the world. We'll go to the little town every weekend. Boat ride and make wishes every time. I know I'm not a good cook, but this time I will serve you. And I'll also learn to play guitar and we can sing and play together. And we can-

"Liz," she put a hand on my shoulder.

I know I was blabbering maniacally like a desperate hobo. But the pain inside was searing. It was hard to even breathe. A black car rolled by the compound and stopped. It gave a honk.

"I wish as much for the things you just said," she replied. "I would have been here with you always. Together. But you pushed me away. You made it clear that you can never be with me. And you're right. If you're not gay, this abnormal love can be quite overwhelming. You'll always have to stay undercover. I don't want you to be that way. I want you to be happy and free without any doubt loving someone. Besides, I've already signed up the contract in the film industry."

Ella's words stabbed me. But I know it was true. I was the one who pushed her away in the first place. I forced her to be with someone she doesn't like. I told her I can't be a gay like her. Despite all the effort she made, I turned her down just because I was too conscious of how the society would view me as a lesbian. I remained silent. There was no hope. None at all.

"Ella,"

We both turned to the direction of the voice. It came a little distance Ada from where we sat. The lady I saw her with the other day.

Ella waved back.

"Whenever you're ready," she shouted.

I looked at the lady. Today she was wearing a black dress, a wide rimmed black hat, a pair of sunglasses and a fur coat. She looked like a model. Another pang of jealousy.

"Who's she?" I asked trying to sound cool about it.

"Thats my mom," she answered. "You never got to meet her, did you?"

"No," I was shocked. To think I suspected her to be Ella's new girlfriend. What an embarrassing assumption! My face felt hot. I was glad I didnt blabber anything about my jealousy.

"She came to pick me up," she said, looking at the direction of the car. Her mom and Monica were fitting luggages in the car. "Mom can be a little overdressed sometimes. She takes her modeling career very seriously. Sometimes I feel like I'm the older of the two of us."

"I won't see you anymore, will I?" I asked.

"I dont know," she answered honestly. "But if you ever come to LA, we can hang out. I'll take you places."

I smiled sadly. So this really is goodbye. The Final goodbye. I know for sure I wont be going to LA in this life.

"I wish we still have a little more time," she said. "But the clock's ticking."

She sighed and looked around.

"I'm gonna miss this place," she said. "And the memories. At least the first half of my stay here."

Sadness. I doubt if I can even last a day now she she finally leaves.

"Ella," I wanted to say so many things. But my brain was numb and my mouth was parched.

She took my hand in hers. With the other hand, she wiped away my tears.

"Don't cry Liz," she soothed. "Youre too sweet to be hurting. You know I've always loved you. And I still do."

"I love you too Ella," I sobbed.

She hugged me. I knew she was trying to control her tears from falling out.

"Its you I'm gonna miss the most," she whispered in my ear. The car honked in the distance.

She kissed me lightly on my cheek and stood up.

"Goodbye Liz," she said and turned away.

I watched her walk to the car. I watched her embracing her grandma. I watched her scoop Oscar up. I watched her get into the car. I watched her looking at me and waving sadly. I watched as the engine revved. I watched as the car sped off. I was still watching even as the car disappeared round the corner.

"Goodbye Ella."