The Story Of Us(Original)

22

"It's like you have two brains - a rational brain and an irrational brain. And they're constantly fighting."

—Emilie Ford.

My rational brain tells me I'm only human - encourages me to love myself and learn from my mistakes. My irrational brain makes me second-guess every second of my life and hate myself for every impulsive decision i've ever made.

"You... don't remember...?" I hesitated, unable to read Fallon's anxious expression.

"No. I woke up this morning and I know..." He looked away, becoming deeply overwhelmed.

It was the first time I had ever seen Fallon cry. My lover apologized profusely and promised he didn't mean to hurt me. I couldn't understand. That night Fallon's hands and mouth were on and in my body and it felt transcendent. He didn't hurt me. Not yet anyway.

I forced a smile, reaching over to dry his eyes. "What are you talking about?" I spoke in a hushed whisper, climbing onto Fallon's lap.

He wouldn't look at me. I had to hold his face in my hands and force Fallon to look into my face and he looked so broken. I wanted to sooth him, I also wanted to feel close to him because I could feel he was slipping away.

I brought my mouth to his and for a moment, and Fallon didn't kiss me back. "Please don't hate me. You're my best friend, Rue, I love you so much," he said in a rushed tear-filled breath.

I knew what was happening. I felt the air being sucked from the room as regret set in but I still couldn't understand. "What are you saying?" I forced a smile.

"I don't remember what we did, but I know I was wrong for doing it," Fallon explained.

I was winded. My heart was breaking but my best friend was crying and I just wanted to ease his pain. I wrapped my arms around Fallon's neck, pulling him to my chest and saying it was okay. We could just pretend nothing happened. We didn't even have to tell Sab.

"I told her already." Fallon wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his face at my chest.

Fallon told me the first stop on his apology tour was his girlfriend's place before he drove to pick up my birthday balloons.

"Oh," I managed, my wound deepening as I tried to slink away.

It was bad enough I would have to pretend nothing happened but I knew Sabrina had already made a ranting video post about the slut who hooked up with her drunk boyfriend.

Fallon held me tight as he pressed his lips to the fabric at my shoulder. "Please, don't leave, Rue," he begged, and it killed me inside.

I'm good at pretending. I happily celebrated my sixteenth birthday with Fallon's family. I smiled, laughed, and giggled as if I wasn't dying inside while I relived that night in excruciating detail.

Internally screaming because the first guy who had seen me in that way regretted it immediately after. Fallon said he didn't remember, but a part of me didn't believe him, telling myself even if he didn't, I would never be able to look at him and not know his dick had been in my mouth.

When we got home that night, Fallon slept on the couch. I didn't fault him but I didn't sleep. Not well at least. My night terror returned. I dreamt of a horrifying incubus; half man, half beast, with goring horns forcing himself on me. I awoke sobbing in the middle of the night, alarmed by a numbing sloshing feeling between my legs and finding I had gotten my first period.

I wasn't sure what to do. Colleen and I had never had those conversations and I didn't want Fallon to know I had bled on his sheets. I quietly cleaned up the mini crime scene, happy that the blood didn't soak into the mattress as I crept to the hall closet where DeeDee had a collection of shopping bags. I bagged the evidence and changed the sheets before I headed to the bathroom, disappointed to see she didn't keep Kotex in the cabinet under the sink.