Sinful Angel

Chapter 3: Madison

I watched Celeste and Noelle across the table ignoring my wide-eyed stare. They continued to talk as if they hadn't just completely blown me away seconds before.

"What did you just say?" The words came out on a strangled whisper, leaning forward as I clutched my glass of water. Now I was wishing I had gotten something stronger for this little luncheon.

"I said," Celeste repeated not nearly as quietly as I would have hoped, "you should try a BDSM club. Don't look so shocked, Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes. I've seen the books you read."

I flushed and looked away, knowing I had no argument for that. In the years since mine and Luke's separation, I hadn't been able to be intimate with anyone else, so I turned to books. I read every filthy, dirty, kinky book I could get my hands on. I never knew just how much I didn't know until these books, and I felt like I'd missed out on so much. Like I hadn't ever gotten a chance to discover who I really was, what I wanted. Luke and I had always been an extension of each other, and our decisions had revolved around that for so long that we'd lost ourselves in each other. I believed that was one of the reasons we hadn't made it through in the end. I could feel the familiar burn of tears in my throat, so I stopped that train of thought.

"Those are just books Celeste. Just because I like reading about stuff, it doesn't mean I'd actually be into it. Plus, you know how hard it is for me now. I can't..." The tears began to threaten again, and I cleared my throat vigorously while I stared at the table. I warm hand covered my clenched fist sitting on the table, and I looked up to see both Celeste and Noelle looking at me with understanding.

"I know it's hard Mads. But you can't live like this forever. You need to put yourself out there again. Start living."

I knew Celeste was right. But my heart just couldn't get into the idea.

"I don't want to overstep boundaries," Noelle cautiously murmured. The other two of us looked at her, waiting for her next sentence. "But, I know of this place a couple towns over that could help you out a little. If that's something that you want."

"One, you're not overstepping boundaries. You're a part of this now, so always feel free to speak your mind."

I nodded along with Celeste's words, and a happy smile lit Noelle's face before I picked up where Celeste had left off.

"And two, what kind of place are we talking here? Like, therapy?" I'd tried it, and while it had helped a little I'd been too caught up in myself to really benefit from it.

Noelle's cheeks pinkened, and I watched her shift in her seat. "Um, well, yeah it's kind of like therapy. Not the way that you're thinking though."

I looked at Celeste, who also had a confused look on her face. "Girl, spit it out, you're killing me here." The words burst out of me, and it surprised all three of us. It was a glimpse of my old attitude, one that had been missing for a while. Celeste bit her lip to hide her grin and Noelle blew out a breath as she rushed the words out.

"Well if you're really into BDSM and you want to explore it, I know of a place that's safe for you to do that." She immediately grabbed her soda and gulped some of it down. Too quickly I was guessing by the way she slammed it back down onto the table with a wince and a loud hiccup.

I looked at Noelle curiously, and knew Celeste was doing the same. Our new friend was studiously avoiding our gazes, her face flaming pink as her hands twisted together on the table.

"Ahh, I see, our friend here has a kinky side to her." I started to tease Noelle, and Celeste followed my lead.

"Oooh! Tell us all about it Noelle, what kinky stuff are you into? We talking 50 Shades here, or what?"

Noelle finally looked at us, a glower on her face. "Just to be clear, 50 Shades is a terrible example of a healthy BDSM relationship. Christian was a manipulative, abusive and selfish Dom and didn't teach Ana how to be a real submissive, only how to give him what he wanted. I mean, sure, they figured it out in the end, and maybe Ana changed him, but that's not how those kinds of relationships are supposed to work. And the scene at the end where Ana leaves him in the first book? She should've used her safe word, not just let him take it out on her. And he should've read her body and her face and been able to tell that it was hurting her and their relationship."

Celeste and I stared at her with surprised looks, our jaws hanging open slightly at her tirade. I had read the books and totally agreed with her, but damn.

Noelle took a deep breath after her rant, and then her eyes widened as she realized what she had revealed.

"Anyway, uh, it's a good place. Privacy is a priority there, and all the agents are trained before they're ever let out onto the floor or private rooms for scenes."

"Agents?"

Noelle nodded at my question. "Yeah, that's what they call the people who help with the scenes there. Some are Dominants, some are submissives. Whatever the client- that'd be people like us- need."

The idea intrigued me. I tapped my fingers on the table as I thought it over. Noelle seemed very sure about this place, and she definitely seemed like she knew what she was talking about. And Celeste was right, I really needed to get out of my funk and stop living like the shell I'd been for the last two years.

Celeste's text notification went off, and she opened it up to read it. Her face lit up with a mischievous smile, and I already knew that her husband, Liam, was the one texting her. And by the way she hurried out of her seat and the glint in her eyes, I knew it'd been something dirty.

"I hate to cut this lunch short, but Liam just but Abigail down for a nap which means we basically have an hour of alone time. We need to get together soon and talk about this more, but Madison I want you to seriously think about it. You need something new and exciting, and this place certainly sounds like just the thing. Go sin a little for once in your life."

She bent down and gave me a hug before waving to Noelle and bolting out of the restaurant to go meet Liam while their daughter got some sleep.

"Abigail is about the cutest thing I've ever seen, don't you think?" Noelle sighed with a smile on her face.

"I do think," I replied while ignoring the ache in my own heart just like I'd done since Celeste had nervously told me a year ago about her pregnancy. She knew how much I'd struggled with mine, and although I was extremely happy for her I hadn't wanted her to see the anguish in my soul. Her daughter was barely four months old, but already had so much personality. And Celeste of course looked great, her curves even more pronounced since the birth and looking good on her.

"You don't have to go to the club," Noelle commented bringing me out of my thoughts. "But if you do, just let me know and I can get you in. I still have contacts there so it'd be easy."

"So you don't go anymore?"

She grinned wickedly. "I haven't had to since I started seeing Travis."

I grinned along with her. I'd seen her and Travis, her sort-of-but-not-really boss and Liam's business partner, interact. It was intense and now I could understand why. Obviously, she found what she'd been looking for in him, and I was envious of that.

I wondered if I'd be able to find the same thing if I took the chance. A new burst of resolve and stubbornness filled me. I had to move on. And there were things I wanted to try. What could it hurt?

"You know what Noelle? I think I'm going to take you up on that offer."

We grinned at each other, and I ignored the nerves that fluttered in my belly at the thought.

"You got it. I can help you out with some of the training and rules before you get there, that way you're well prepared before you ever even step inside. Either way, I can promise that you're going to learn much more there than you ever will from reading about it."

"I would love that actually. Thank you, Noelle."

She looked at me, and she must've been able to read just how grateful I was for her in that moment. "Anything for my friend."