Runaway

Chapter 18: Mia

Arghhh what am I doing. I'm standing here watching Ethan walk away after giving me a kiss on the cheek and I can tell I'm blushing. I had such a wonderful time today and I know we had a moment when I almost fell. Having his arms wrapped around me made me feel so safe and supported. I know he was going to kiss me, I'm not sure what I would have done if the rest of the group hadn't arrived at that time. I felt so embarrassed I tried to put some distance between us but I could tell by the look on Jake's face that he saw what was happening before we realised they had arrived. He didn't say anything to me not that I gave him much choice, I avoided him just as much as I avoided Ethan but I know next time I see him, he's going to ask about it.

Ethan is so sweet and gorgeous and smart and funny and caring and well the list just keeps going on but can I trust him. My last relationship if you can actually call it that, I thought the same about Ryan but well that was all for show and only lasted a month before he showed me his real self.

I'm so confused right now, my heart seems to want something with Ethan but my head keeps telling me no, that I have to be careful and that I've been in a bad situation in the past. I need to talk to Ella, she'll understand. She knows about how Ryan was and what he did to me. I just don't know if I can let myself possibly go through anything like that again. I need to protect myself physically and emotionally.

I make my way slowly up to our apartment and unlock the door, I'm pretty sure Ella should be home unless she's out with her friends. She had a shift at the café this morning but told me she'd be home for dinner. I place my bag down on the kitchen counter and turn to grab a water from the fridge.

"What are you wearing?" Ella asks. I look down and shit I forgot I still had Ethan's hoodie, it's way to big for me but it's so comfortable and it smells like him, which is a smell that I am really loving and could get use to.

"Hi to you too" I reply choosing not to answer her question but I know she won't drop it. "How was work today?"

"Don't you try and get out of answering me miss. Now tell me who's hoodie you are wearing or should I just take a guess?" she says with amusement in her voice. She already knows who's it is I'm sure of it. Ever since Ethan dropped me home and she found out he was the one picking me up today, she keeps insinuating that there is something going on, which there isn't, well after today I don't know anymore, nothing actually happen but maybe I wanted it too, I really don't know anymore.

I decide to be honest since she can tell when I lie "Ethan's. I forgot a jacket and didn't realise how cold it would be inside the rink so he had this in his car and gave it to me to wear." I answer like it's just a normal thing but we both know that it's not. I open the fridge up and pretend I'm looking for something and just grab a bottle of water like I was going to do in the first place. I'm just wasting time and I really don't want to turn around and see her smug face.

*And..... I can tell there is something you're not telling me now spill" she can read me too well. I guess that's what happens when you grow up just the two of us for so long.

"We almost kissed" I say quietly that I'm not even sure she heard me "WHAT? OH MY GOD. This is so exciting" she shouts, ok well I guess she did hear.

I make my way over to the lounge and flop down with a groan. She comes and sits down near me on the lounge and looks at me eagerly to tell her what happened.

"Well I have obviously never been ice skating before and Ethan and I were the first to arrive. We just gpt out onto the ice and he was handing my hands basically pulling me along" I start to explain "Well I tried to move my feet and nearly fell flat on my bum but he caught me. It felt so nice to have his arms wrapped around me, I don't know it's like comforting, safe, natural. I grabbed onto the front of his jacket as I was falling. When I caught my breath after a little panic, I looked up and he was already looking at me. His eyes are so mesmerising. They are like looking into the blue ocean water. We just stared at each other. His hand was cupping my cheek and his thumb was lightly stroking it. Then I saw his eyes flick down to my lips and my mouth went dry, I knew what he was thinking. He started to slowing lower his head down when the rest of our friends arrived. I quickly tried to move away but I didn't want to fall again so I just looked down and put some space between us"

"I'm not sure what to do. My last relationship was a disaster. I was so blind to what was really happening and when I figured it out, I was caught..." I trialed off not wanting to think about my so called relationship with my ex.

"You can't keep comparing everybody to Ryan. You need to think about you and what your heart wants not what your head is telling you." She comes and sits next to me and taken my hand it hers. "Listen, Ryan really messed you up and I know it's hard to trust again but from what you have told me, Ethan is nothing like him. I'm not saying go get into a relationship with him but maybe just see what happens, let's things progress naturally without getting all up in your head"

I know she is right, Ryan really did mess me up but that all ended well over 2 years ago now. I haven't even been thinking about any form of relationship or even friendships up until now. My priority for the last 2 years was getting Ella through high school and into college. I know I need to stop comparing everybody to him and maybe Ethan might be the one that I open my heart up too but I'm still not sure I can.

"Just think about it please" she said as she gets up and patted my knee "I'm going to start dinner"