What The End Looks Like | ✓

19: lacey

 I couldn't stop smiling. I hadn't known what to expect going into last night, but it was better than I could have asked for. Chase was the perfect gentleman.

The only thing was... I couldn't stop thinking of the look that Dean had on his face when he told us to have a good night. I haven't talked to him since Friday and it's Sunday afternoon now. I didn't do anything wrong. Neither did Chase. So why did I feel so guilty about it?

Chase is a nice guy. A really nice guy and the more I got to know him, the more I started to like him. I learned that he has a huge family: two younger sisters and an older brother.

Sure, it brought up memories of Sam. But the truth is, I can't blame Sam for the break up. He had every right to break up with me. He couldn't handle it. You can't force someone to stay with you. However, he doesn't get to try and crawl back into my life again.

So now I'm trying to work up the courage to knock on Dean's door. I've been pacing out here for over ten minutes and I'm surprised I haven't worn a hole through the floor. Except before I can, Linc opens the door. "Oh good. It's just you. Management called to report a woman loitering outside our door and I didn't know who to expect."

There's a loud crash from inside the apartment and Linc doesn't even look backwards. "What is going on in there?" I ask trying to peer over his shoulder.

"It's easier to explain if you come in." He says, opening the door and I hesitantly step in. What on earth am I walking into?

Cassidy is sitting on the counter eating ice cream out of a tub, and Dean... well Dean is dancing on the kitchen table with a bottle of tequila in his hand.

I look at Linc in confusion who looks just as lost as I am. "So all I got out of Dean this yesterday was that Cassidy and Maddox broke up Friday night. That's why she's drunk, but I have no idea what's going on with Dean. I'm glad you're here. Fix him before our shift tomorrow. You have...eleven hours. I'm staying at Chase's tonight. I can't take another night of Cassidy crying all night and Dean being drunk and mopey," he mumbles grabbing his jacket and making an escape before I can protest him leaving.

I set my bag down on the couch trying to think of what to say. "Hey guys, what's going on?" I try to keep my voice cheerful.

Cassidy finally looks up from her ice cream to notice I'm here and waves slightly before drinking out of a different bottle of alcohol.

"Lacey! Come dance with me," Dean says, teetering very closely to the edge.

Oh my god he's going to fall and break something. "Give me the bottle or I'm not getting up there," I reply firmly and Dean pouts.

"That's not fair; you don't know what happened. Aren't you curious Lacey the enigma?" He taunts taking a long drink as if it was merely water. Just kidding, he isn't going to fall, he's going to get alcohol poisoning and die that way.

I sigh before climbing up on a chair and putting a very unsteady foot onto the surface of the table, "If we fall..."

And then his charming smile is flashed at me, "Like I'd let you fall. C'mon Lace, live a little." I swear I'd do anything if it meant he would always smile at me that way. Dean offers me a hand and I take it carefully. "Your hands are cold," He says bluntly.

"They're always cold."

Dean tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, "Are you going to drink yourself to oblivion with me? Why don't we dance more? It's more fun on top of a table," He says smiling.

"I don't drink Dean; you know this. However, I am going to help you sober up because I don't know if you recall, but you have to work tomorrow." I say, taking a step backward to create some room between us.

His breath reeks of alcohol and I can see the hurt flash in his eyes. His eye has a bruise on the corner of it and there's a faint shadow of a bruise on his cheekbone. "I don't want to sober up. Being drunk makes everything hurt less."

Dean's tone takes me aback, "If this is about me and Chase-"

"For god's sake Lacey, not everything is about you. I'll give you another guess if you really want to know." I resist the urge to flinch. He's drunk, he didn't mean that. Dean lashes out when he's feeling hurt.

Linc said that Cassidy and Maddox broke up. He didn't know what was wrong with Dean. I'm the one person that knows about him and Paige. I try to pull my hand out of his grip, "Paige."

He takes another long drink of the tequila, "And?" He motions for me to continue.

"What do you mean and?"

Dean leans in so close to me that his breath is tickling my ear, "I found Paige and Maddox. Together."

Suddenly, it all makes sense. I glance over at Cassidy from where she sits holding onto her ice cream. "Does she know?"

He pulls away from me, "No. And as long as I'm drunk, I won't have the conscience to tell her what an ass my brother is and what kind of person Paige is. She's hurting enough."

"Dean, I need you to get off the table with me."

"Why did they do it?"

The tone of his voice hurts to hear. "I don't know. You can't control other people's actions and I'm so sorry."

Cassidy starts to wander over to us and I notice how Dean's whole demeanor changes. "Why didn't you tell me you were going out with Chase?" I'm confused because I think he's upset because of Paige and Maddox. He literally just said that this wasn't about my date with Chase.

"I'm uh gonna let you guys talk this out?" She says backing away to go who knows where.

"I'm not the one you're mad at," I say keeping my voice level because I know he's hurting. He's hurting and still focused on the pain that Cassidy is feeling. Dean is angry and he has every right to be. Just not at me.

He crouches down and slides off the table, "Maybe I'm mad at everyone, including you." Dean thankfully sets his bottle of tequila on the counter as he stalks back to his room.

I follow because there's no way in hell I'm leaving him alone right now. He gets to be pissed at Paige and Maddox, but I didn't do anything to him. "What is going on? Is this about Paige and Maddox or not?"

He shakes his head, "I don't fucking know Lacey. Not everyone is always in tune with their feelings like you. I'm a disaster."

"You're not a disaster and I'm not always in tune with my feelings! No one knows what they're doing; not even me." Especially me. "Why exactly are you so mad? You weren't even sure if Paige and you were together."

"I'm mad because no matter what I do, Maddox will always be picked over me. Paige picked him over me, Cassidy has picked him over me multiple times, even my father picks Maddox over me. Paige- I don't even know what to say about her. She is the one person I thought was able to see me and how I've been confused and hurting. But you see me too. I don't want you to see me because you're going to be just like everyone else. Always picking someone else over me."

And then it makes sense why he's upset. Dean's afraid I'm going to leave him and he has no idea how right he is. But it won't be because I'm picking someone else over Dean.

I let out a shaky breath and step closer to wrap my arms around him. He fights against my embrace before sinking into it. "Please don't leave me too," He murmurs quietly while holding on tightly to me too. "I need you Lace."

Hearing Dean say that makes the decision very easy but very difficult at the same time. He can't know. I'm not going to tell him. The truth is that I am going to leave at some point and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.