What The End Looks Like | ✓

27: lacey

I'd finished making all the quesadillas and I wrapped them in tinfoil to trap the heat in so they would be warm whenever they get back. There was enough to feed an army. It's been a while but I can't say I've ever really sat around and waited for them to get back. So I occupied myself with cleaning up all the dirty dishes from making lunch. Then I continued with straightening everything in the day room.

I busy myself because I can't think of the way Chase is going to be completely blindsided. Or maybe he won't. Ever since he asked me out, he's consistently been asking me if I have feelings for Dean. Maybe it's because he already knows.

I've never been anything but honest with him. I told him I would try my best. I've tried, but it's not the same.

With each passing day, I feel more tired than the day before doing the same exact things. I know I'm dying; I'm reminded every time I get winded walking up a flight of stairs and every time someone comments on how cold my hands are. I'm on the downward slope. The three months I was told would be a blessing. At least my birthday is next week. I'll make it to twenty-four.

Chase is the safe, obvious choice. But when I'm with Dean, he makes me feel alive. I want to feel alive.

Sam gave me the best advice he could have without knowing the entire situation; I want to feel everything that Dean can make me feel. It's worth it.

Grayson had given me the next few days off because he and Tessa had flown to Italy for the weekend again. He said something about taking a break before telling her about the shady shit her dad was into.

It was a relief to have everything taken care of. To not have to worry about how everything is going to go. I made all the hard decisions for everyone already.

It's another fifteen minutes before I hear the garage doors open in the apparatus floors. My heart falls at the guilt of seeing Chase again but then it's uplifted with the comfort that Dean will be back too.

Except the somber attitude of everyone throws me off. I catch Linc's arm, noting the soot on his face. They were going to a car accident. Why is there soot on his face. "What happened?"

I know Linc's probably really angry at me right now because of the way I'm handling all this, but there's no anger on his face. Just sadness. "He didn't call you?"

"No? Dean said to wait here until he came back. I've been here waiting for you to get back."

He hesitates and that scares me, "It was his family. The car accident. It was Maddox and Hayes. Hayes is fine, but Maddox is in rough shape. Dean...he wasn't okay. Lacey, it was bad."

I cover my mouth with my hands because it's horrible. "Where are they?"

Jonah walks in next and his face falls when he sees me still here. "The ambulance took them to City Health Hospital. It's only ten minutes away."

"I'll take her," Chase volunteers and the clench of guilt hits me hard.

"I can-" Linc tries to offer and Chase shakes his head quickly.

"No, I'll do it. Lace grab your coat."

I follow along silently trying to think of how bad is bad. Hayes is fine but Maddox? God Dean. Oh my gosh. Cassidy.

I wait until I'm buckled into the front seat of Chase's truck before I call her. She's spent pretty much everyday since the break up at the bar picking up extra shifts.

"Hey, I thought you were at the fire station?"

I sigh, trying to figure out if I should even be telling her this. They broke up. But I've also heard her crying most nights when she thinks I'm asleep. Crying makes Boo nervous so it keeps me awake.