What The End Looks Like | ✓

20: lacey

 I keep zoning out. I just keep replaying in my mind what had happened at the doctors appointment this morning trying to remember the exact wording he used. Grayson's been on edge the past few days and the most he's said to me was brief words in passing, telling me to bring him a file or to schedule an appointment.

I can't focus. My mind is going a mile a minute. I want-no need to talk to my dad. I push myself up from the desk feeling how light headed I'm getting. Thankfully, my tears are held at bay until I get into the ladies restroom.

They come with a flood once the door shuts and I try to take a staggered breath. I need to calm down. But how do you calm down when you have the prognosis I have.

I dial the number from memory and thankfully my dad picks up immediately, "Lacey! I've been waiting to hear from you since Ruth got back home."

I sniffle trying to pull myself together, "Dad, I don't know what to do."

"What's wrong honey?"

I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth, but I don't know how to make myself better. I can't. "I need a transplant," I whisper quietly for the first time ever.

"You need to come home," He says gently and I shake my head regardless of the fact he can't see me. "You need to come home so we can take care of you before..."

"Before I die. That's what you were going to say."

Dad falls quiet and more tears slip down my cheeks. I wipe them away angrily because this isn't fair. The extra tests today confirmed what my doctor suspected at the appointment Ruth went to.

"Please. Please come home."

"Dad, I can't. I have a life here. My doctors are here." I protest weakly because I should want to go home. I should want to be around my parents in the time I have left. Around Ruth. But I can't go back to Bristol to die. I'm not the same girl I was when I left.

"How long?"

I close my eyes and sink to the floor leaning against the wall. This is the worst place to be making this phone call. "Without the transplant I won't make it past May. Dr. Odell said the chances of me getting a heart are slim because of my blood type."

"We'll come to you. We can stay there with you until there's a donor. We can-"

"No. No Dad. We've known this would happened eventually. I still have time. I have a chance. It's not time to panic yet." I manage to say it without bursting into tears. But just because I don't doesn't mean I can't hear the soft sobs coming from his end of the phone.

He coughs trying to hide it, "For a weekend then. We'll come up this weekend and meet all your friends."

"I love you."

"I love you more. Don't forget it."

"I won't. I'll see you Friday?" Honestly I'm glad they're going to come here. I want to show them everything, have them meet the people I've grown to love. I want them to understand why I don't want to go back to Bristol.

Bristol isn't my home anymore, New York is. I need to make the most of it.

After hanging up the phone, I look in the mirror and smile. I'll be okay. I might have red eyes, a stuffy nose, and a damaged heart, but I'm still here. No matter what happens, I'll be okay.

I wipe my eyes and I know what comes next.

I step out of the bathroom and I walk past everyone, straight into Grayson's office. "I need a lawyer."

His head shoots up immediately, "What do you mean you need a lawyer? What did you do?"

"It's not what I did, it's what's going to happen. How much will this cost?"