What The End Looks Like | ✓

24: lacey

"We can take a break if you need to," Grayson says after the coughing fit I just recovered from. It's been growing more persistent.

I shake my head, "No. I can't keep putting it off. I need to get this done. What's next."

He glances down at the paper, "Who would you like to appoint for your power of attorney?"

I've thought a lot about this. My mom could never do whatever needs to be done and I'd hate to put her in that position. Ruth would feel guilty if any decisions were up to her; I don't trust any of my friends from back home to make the right call either. "I'd like it to be you. It's pretty simple. I don't want any surgeries or operations of any kind. I just need you to advocate for me."

Grayson makes a note of that and passes it towards me to be initialed. I sign the little box next to it and hand it back to him. "Do you want any of the following kinds of end of life care? Ventilation, resuscitation-"

"No. None of it. When I'm done, it's over."

"Are you sure?" He asks hesitating before checking the box on the piece of paper that dictates everything after I die.

"Yes. I want my body to go to medical research too. My condition is rare and if there's anything that can be learned from me living this long then I want to help other people."

The sympathetic look Grayson has on his face is okay. It's the same look I got from my parents after they went back to Bristol.

He clears his throat and looks back down at the paper, "We need to discuss what you want to have happen after. Your apartment, any assets you might have, wishes you have for how things are handled."

My fingers play with the curls at the base of his head and I realize how soft they are. Dean's mouth is moving against mine hurriedly and I'm struggling to keep up.

"I wrote these out and the names are on the envelopes if you wouldn't mind getting them to who they belong to." I say, reaching into my bag and pulling out a short stack of envelopes. Mom, Dad, Ruth, Xavier, Sam, Dean, and there's one for Grayson too. "They're not to be read until after I-I'm dead."

There's another packet for Ruth that I pull out entailing all the details and instructions for the bucket list, along with enough money inside to cover everything. I've been putting away money for years; a dollar here and five dollars there. After I started working for Gray, I had more than enough to cover my rent and to put more away at a time than I did working at the diner.

"I don't have much, but I want everything I have left to cover a service and medical bills. I had a short term lease that was set to expire in September. Cassidy can have it if she wants it."

His lips are everywhere and like a drug; I can't get enough. My hands start unbuttoning the top of his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin seep through the coldness that always surrounds my hands. This is better than I imagined when I first met Dean. He's really good at this.

"I think that covers everything." Grayson says softly, signing the bottom of each of the papers dictating how things are going to go. I've always known that everyone else's lives were going to go on after me, it's just never felt as real as it does right now.

I reach across the desk and rest my hand on top of his. "Thank you for helping me with this. I know it's not an easy thing to deal with, but I appreciate it. I also know that there's a lot going on and what not with Tessa's family's company, and you still took the time to help me."