What The End Looks Like | ✓

12: lacey

I hadn't planned on coming to this at all. In fact, I'd completely forgotten that it was this weekend. My mom really did have everything all planned out when she sent Ruth here.

Ruth's sitting in the chair next to the examination table that I have the pleasure of sitting on. "How long does it usually take for the doctor to get here?"

I shrug, twisting my hands in my lap. "It depends. Some days I'm in and out in thirty minutes at the most, but other times it can take the entire afternoon."

She hums in response, pulling her phone out; I have no doubt that she's informing my mom that she actually got me to go to an appointment. In all the years that Ruth and I have been best friends, I can count on one hand the amount of times she's come to doctors appointments with me. Today.

There's a knock on the door, and my doctor steps in. "Hi Lacey, it's good to see you again. I see on my chart that you missed your last two appointments."

"Um yes, I know. I'm sorry about that, I've been really busy at work." My excuse is a lame one and I know that by the frown on his face and on Ruth's.

"I'm glad you finally came in. How have you been feeling? Anymore dizzy spells?"

I shrug, "I've been fine. I had a few but they don't happen very often. I have been having some problems with my hands though. I dropped a coffee at work on Friday because it went numb."

He writes this down on my chart before looking up at me again, "Anything else?"

"I've had shortness of breath and I've been tired, but I'm also working long hours. I don't think it's anything to be worried about." I refuse to meet Ruth's eyes after I admit all this. Part of the reason I haven't said anything is because it does worry me.

Dr. Odell sets the chart down and gives me a look. "Those are all symptoms to be concerned about. I know you know better than to ignore them. I need to listen to your heart for a moment."

The head of the stethoscope is cool against my skin and I try to keep my breathing normal, but I can feel my stress level rising. I shouldn't have skipped those appointments. I've just been afraid.

He stays silent the entire time and then smiles at me. Smiles are never good. Smiles mean more tests. It means things are getting worse.

"I'd like to run some more tests just to be sure that everything in your heart is working correctly. I'll have the nurse come by in a few minutes to take you for them. Excuse me, I'll be back." Dr. Odell says after I nod to acknowledge I heard what he said.

The room is silent after he leaves and I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth to keep any tears from making their great escape. This isn't good. I shouldn't have ignored everything. My god I'm such an idiot.

Everything after that is a blur. Ruth is silent until we leave the hospital after the tests were run and we pretend that we didn't hear what Dr. Odell said after he looked at the tests. It didn't happen as far as I'm concerned. I feel numb.

"Lacey, I-" She starts to say as we walk down the sidewalk. I don't want to sit in a taxi right now. I need to think.

"No. Just don't."

Ruth drops it after that and I focus on the sidewalk in front of us. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

She waits until we're back in my shoebox apartment before saying anything else. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"You're the one visiting; what do you want to do?"

Ruth smiles at me, but I can see the turmoil in her eyes. I choose to ignore it. "Why don't we see what Dean is up to? I'd like to get to know him better if you're feeling up to it."