What The End Looks Like | ✓

29: the turmoil

cassidy

"I didn't think you'd show up," Maddox says, sitting up in the bed. His blonde curls I've gotten so used to the past two years are gone and replaced with a lot of bandages instead. He looks exhausted and it tears my heart into smaller pieces than they are already in seeing him like this.

I stay in the doorway, trying to convince myself that its okay to step into the room, but now all I can see is him with Paige. It took me a long time to tell myself that there wasn't anything between them anymore. I'm not an insecure person, but Paige worried me.

I was naive. He told me countless times that everything between them was in the past. I became her friend, I invited her to mani-pedis. I did my best to be the bigger person because I got the guy. Maddox promised he'd never hurt me again like he did after Paige first got back.

"Baby please." Maddox pleads and I go sit in the chair next to his bed, but I keep my arms crossed over my chest.

"Don't call me that," I say and his face softens into an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry."

You should be is what I want to say. "How are you?" This is what I ask instead.

Maddox stares at me, raking his eyes over every inch of my face. "I'd be better if you were here."

This time I don't hold back, "You should have thought about that before you fucked Paige."

He looks down at his hands and I feel guilty for kicking a man when he's already down. Why should I feel guilty? I didn't sleep with anyone the same night we broke up. "Bab-Cassidy, I was in a really low place and I-I don't know. There's no excuse. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I close my eyes and run my hands over my face. "And you don't think I wasn't hurting too? I didn't run to Noah within the hour of me saying no. Did you even think to consider why I said no?"

"Why did you say no? I love you more than life itself and I thought that this was something you wanted. I mean marriage is the next step after moving in and then there's kids and pets and growing old together. When did that change?"

I kept going back from being giddy to being nervous. I mean what if something is wrong with it? Nothing in my life has gone right except Maddox and even that was an emotional rollercoaster. It would be my luck that this baby will be born with three eyes and two arms-wait. Two arms is normal, two arms is good. I want a baby with two arms.

There's a chart on the wall that keeps explaining what the size of the baby can be compared to each week.

I kick my legs with excitement as I wait for the doctor to get back. They took my blood earlier and now we're just waiting for confirmation.

A knock on the door grabs my attention and my doctor steps back in and I can't read her face. I used to be really good at that, but I must have fallen off my game since I stopped being a criminal.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, forcing out a nervous chuckle. I figured she'd come back smiling.

"Ms. Edison, I'm sorry but you are not pregnant. The home pregnancy test that you took administered a false positive." She says, taking a seat in the chair next to me.

My smile falters, "But it said I was pregnant. I'm not pregnant?"

"No, you're not."

I sit there and stare at the wall with the chart. I don't have a baby. That's okay. We weren't even trying, but I know that we'll be good parents. We'll be great parents.