Embracing Your Poison

05

I just stare at him from a far pero ng makita ko na pasakay na siya sa kotse niya mabilis na akong lumabas ng store at tinawag siya. 

"Mr. Steel!" I shouted at napansin ko pa na mukhang nairita na agad siya marinig pa lang boses ko. Get used to it Mr. Bandiala you made me do this. 

Hindi naman ako ganito e because I'm good at ignoring people dati pa lang but I don't why I just can't ignore him. Alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya kong wag ng pansinin siya because I know the art of ignorance. But I can't do it with him. I just can't ignore him. 

He was about to enter his car ng hindi ako pinapansin kaya mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya at sinara yung pinto niya para hindi siya makapasok. 

"Problema mo? Gamot kailangan mo?" My mouth become half open because of what he said pero nawala din yun ng makita ko yung mga mata niya. 

Even Saffira is not around his eyes are shouting that girl. You can see through his eyes how he was hurting loving a girl that can't love him back. 

"You are really in love to her, I can see it through your eyes. You are hurting inside but you just chose to ignore it." I said all those words while staring at his eyes. 

Ano kayang pakiramdam na titigan siya ng wala ng sakit na nararamdaman. That he's free to one sided love. He deserve someone that can love him. We all deserve it at meron talagang mga taong katulad niya na handang kalimutan ang sarili at patuloy na saktan ang sarili para sa pagmamahal na hindi naman dapat sa kanila. 

"What are you doing?" he ask still staring at my eyes. I want to say that I'm trying to help you get up from that fall. 

Iaahon kita mula sa pagkakahulog sa taong hindi ka nasalo that is why you ended up hurting... So bad. 

"You look pathetic. And I hate it. I don't want to see you being a pathetic." I saw confusion in his eyes dahil sa mga sinabi ko. 

"You are really crazy, tabi nga!" he said at tinaboy na ako at mabilis na sumakay ng kotse niya. 

What the? Hindi pa ako tapos e! 

Nakasimangot na lang ako na bumalik ng condo ko dala yung mga binili ko. Damn that Amstel siya na nga yung balak kong tulungan gaganunin niya lang ako. What a dumbass!

I was unpacking some of my things ng tumawag si Mommy and ask me so many question. She even told me na maghire na lang ng driver dahil hindi pa ako pamilyar sa mga lugar sasabihin ko na sana wag na dahil nandiyan naman si Kalen but I suddenly remember that he must be busy having his girl kaya hindi na ako makiki epal. I will just hire a driver hanggang sa maging pamilyar ako sa mga lugar. 

Based on Kalen, Amstel has been in love to Saffira since high school. That long? I don't even know the feeling of being in love. Nakaramdam naman na ako ng kilig it's every time I will watch a movie kinikilig din naman ako but the feeling of being in love. Hindi ko pa alam. 

Even if I had a lot of boyfriends for the past years and Kalen witness all of that pero wala talaga. There is nothing may kilig pero walang love. I don't know. 

I just sleep at bukas na lang iisipin kung ano ang dapat kong gawin dahil ayoko naman ng tawagan pa si Kalen. He must be busy. Pero hindi ako makatulog dahil gusto ko talagang may puntahan bukas and how the hell will I hire a driver?

Hindi naman masama siguro na guluhin sa Kalen kahit isang araw lang di ba? Wala ng next time I just need him tomorrow because this is still new to me. 

"Glad you're still awake!" I said on the phone ng sagutin ni Kalen call ko. 

"What do you need? It's late."