Embracing Your Poison

17

When we arrive at the house at hindi na nakatingin ang parents ko mabilis kong binatukan si Andie kaya napa aray naman agad siya doon. Our parents is already busy looking at the house at si Mommy manghang mangha na kaya for sure hindi niya na narinig pa pagdaing ng kapatid ko. 

"I told you not to tell them," I said at inambahan pa siya. 

"I don't really understand your logic, Ate. He is your boyfriend and you don't want them to know? And also you look at Kuya Stel like he's not yours when in fact he is your boyfriend. And you are crying that time and I try to understand it dahil baka namiss mo lang siya. But it's really weird," My brother said kaya natigilan ako doon. 

Just like what I am expecting makakatunog nga si Andie tungkol sa mga nakikita niya. He likes observing people's action. 

"Wala ka na doon, but you didn't listen to me, now they want to meet Amstel!" I said in frustration. 

"Then what is the problem? Then tell Kuya Stel dahil alam ko naman na papayag yun. He is your boyfriend. At alam kong isang sabi mo lang susundin ka nun." he said at nauna ng pumasok ng bahay sa'kin. 

If he thinks papayag si Amstel ako hindi dahil ako lang naman at yung lalaking yun ang nakakaalam ng totoong estado naming dalawa. We are fake and just pretending. 

Kahit na alam ko na lahat ang kinikilos ko sa kanya hindi na pagpapanggap lahat ng pagtawag ko sa kanya ng babe hinihiling ko ng sana totoo na ganun na lang yung tawag ko sa kanya. 

I stay in my room while my mom just keep on admiring the place at nasabi niya pa nga na he wants to meet the engineer and my brother interrupt again at sinabing anak ng Engineer ng bahay namin yung boyfriend ko kaya mas lalong natuwa si Mommy while Dad remain serious and that is scaring me. 

Alam kong I am big enough at pwede ng gumawa ng sarili kong desisyon but Dad is still protective of me dahil alam niyang ngayon pa lang ako nagkaroon ng boyfriend and knowing na si Kalen lang naman yung lalaking talagang nakaclose ko. 

Naglalaban ako at yung isip ko kung paano ko sasabihin kay Amstel he will pick me up tomorrow dahil may paparty si Nigel at Eunice sa Diamonds dahil kasal na daw nila next week. And if he will go here sasabihin ko ba na gusto siyang makilala ni Dad o sabihin ko na ngayon. 

I am just holding my phone habang naglalakad paikot sa kwarto ko. I am really overthinking. Paano kung ayaw niya pala at isipin niya that we are just fake anyway. Dahil yung sa nangyari naman sa parents niya talagang hindi naman sinadya dahil nakilala talaga ako so I need to meet him pero ako anong idadahilan ko sa kanya? 

"Shit!" Muntik ko ng mabato yung phone ko sa gulat dahil bigla yung tumunog at buti na lang hindi ko ginawa pero nang makita ko kung sino yung tumatawag mas lalong tumindi yung kabang nararamdaman ko. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago sagutin yun. 

"Hello? Napatawag ka," I said and bite my lower lip. 

"I just want to hear your voice, and hindi ko alam kung bakit ginusto na lang kitang tawagan all of a sudden. Iniisip mo ba ako?" 

"Hindi 'no, kapal mo naman." I said and I hear his laugh to the other line. 

"Hindi ba? Umasa pa naman ako." he said at napairap na lang ako doonn. This man really knows how to make me fall. 

His poison is working on me. Should I try poisoning him too? Not the poison that can heal his broken heart but a poison that will make him love me. Pero baka sa'kin lang din bumalik yung mga lason na ibibigay ko. 

"I actually want to tell you something," I said trying to get all the courage that I need. 

"Ano yun?"