Embracing Your Poison

15

I am looking for Amstel dahil hindi niya na ako binalikan sa resto. I wonder what happen to him. Nagkwento lang naman ako about my life tapos iiwan niya ako. May nakwento ba akong hindi niya nagustuhan or what? I really don't know. 

"Ate," I saw my brother running towards me. 

"Have you seen Amstel?" I ask when he stop in front of me at umiling naman siya sa tanong ko. 

"You two are together right?" he ask at tumango naman ako dahil kami naman talaga ang magakasa ni Amstel. 

Sinabi niyang mag-iikot na lang daw muna siya at bukas na lang daw namin gawin yung mga activities dito dahil hindi ko nga mahagilap si Amstel. I walk around the resort looking for Amstel kahit pinagtitinginan na din ako ng mga tao dahil halatang may hinahanap ako. 

I have my phone with me pero hindi ko naman alam if he have his phone with him dahil hindi ko naman nakita. I tried calling him and he is not answering. My brother is in his own world while me here looking for Amstel. What a good vacation!

"Where is that guy?" I ask to myself and on cue nakita ko siyang papalapit sa'kin. 

Masama ang tingin ko habang naglalakad siya papunta sa pwesto ko pero mukhang hindi niya naman napapansin yun dahil ang seryoso lang ng mukha niya. Anong nangyari sa kanya? 

"Where have you been?" tanong ko sa kana and he shrugged at me. 

"Somewhere," he said at wala ng sinabi. Is he mad at me? 

Magkasabay na kami na naglalakad but he remain quiet beside me! Parang pakiramdam ko talaga may ginawa akong mali na hindi ko alam. Kasi ang alam ko lang I just tell him part of my story tapos bigla niya akong iiwan and he mention Kalen. 

"Amstel Jacob, did I do something wrong?" tanong ko sa kanya and stop walking habang siya patuloy lang sa paglalakad that is why I hold his arms to stop him. 

Pakiramdam ko tuloy ako talaga ang girlfriend niya at nanunuyo ako sa kasalanang hindi ko alam kung ano. We really look like a couple here kaya yung mga tao napapatingin na sa'min. 

"Wala Veron, wala." he said. 

"Yun naman pala, then why are you like that?" I ask at umiling lang naman siya sa'kin at naglakad na ulit.  

"Are you mad at me or something?" tanong ko at mabilis na sumunod sa kanya at umiling naman siya doon. I just pout at sinipa yung mga sand na sa nadadaanan namin habang naglalakad. 

He is really weird na hindi ko na magawang basahin kung ano ba talaga ang problema niya because he is all blank. 

Bumalik na lang kami ng cottage namin and as usual my brother is not yet here. Hindi ako sanay na ganito si Amstel. Wel nung una naman talaga kaming nagmeet ganyan na siya but after being with him for a long time hindi na ako sanay na ganyan siya. 

Did he suddenly remember Saffira or what? O dahil sa kniwento ko he suddenly remember Saffira to me dahil ganun naman talaga e. Just like how Kalen saw Saffira to me before baka ganun din si Amstel knowing that he know Saffira very well but not as much how Kalen know Saffira. 

"Did you remember Saffira because of my story?" tanong ko sa kanya and he look at me with confusion in his eyes. 

"No, why would you say that?" 

"Dahil ganun naman talaga, just like how Kalen remember Saffira to me before baka ganun ka din you suddenly remember Saffira to my story. And I understand that because you love her," I said and smiled at him. But why is it a painful smile?

Why thinking of Amstel seeing me as Saffira pains me. I want him to saw me as Veronica Adella and not Saffira Diamond. Yun siguro ang dahilan bakit hindi ko makwento sa kanya lahat ng tungkol sa'kin because I am scared that he might remember Saffira to my story.