Embracing Your Poison

Epilogue

Amstel Jacob Bandiala 

Is it really possible to embrace someone's poison? The poison that can make me fall again. 

All along akala ko hindi na ako makakahon pa kay Saffira even though I already accepted that she is for that Avilla. Not until the girl named Veronica Adella Smith came into my life. At first I really hate her because of how she look at me na parang ako na yung taong ayaw na ayaw niyang makita sa buong buhay niya. That is also the reason why unang pagkikita pa lang namin inaway ko na agad siya. 

Tuwing titingin siya sa'kin merong iba. There is a different effect on me kaya nasabi ko na para siyang may lason because tuwing magtatama yung tingin namin parang may iba. 

Hanggang sa tumatagal tinatatak ko sa sarili ko na I really hate her. But when she told me that I am pathetic at nagpapanggap lang na okay sa harap ng lahat it hit me. 

Dahil yun ang totoo. Ayoko ipakita sa lahat na ako yung natalo sa'ming dalawa ni Avilla na akala ko talaga magagawa ko ang lahat para makalimutan ni Saffira si Avilla pero wala talaga. It's true that it hurts me na kahit ako na yung nasa tabi ni Saffira sa nakalipas na apat na taon ang hirap pa din sa kanya kalimutan si Avilla. 

Pero noong dumating si Veron at harap-harapan saking ipinamumukha ang lahat that woman really got me. She is good at reading me yung hindi mo na kailangan pa sabihin kasi makakaramdam na siya. 

"Hello Ma? Bakit?" I am here at my condo unit 

"Umuwi ka dito. Tama na muna pag-aaral." she said on the other line kaya wala na akong nagawa kung hindi sumunod dahil minsan lang din naman ako umalis ng condo. 

Hindi ko pa din malimutan what that Veronica did to me last night. 

"You look pathetic. And I hate it. I don't want to see you being a pathetic." 

That is the exact words that she said last night. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ang dali sa kanya ang sabihin lahat ng nakikita niya lalo na sa'kin yung walang pagdadalawang isip at sasabihin niya sa'kin ang gusto niyang sabihin. 

Not minding if her words will hurt me or not. 

At kung minamalas ka nga naman! Here she is in front of the elevator kung saan ako nakasakay at mukhang dito din siya nakatira. 

"Maybe because I love Saffira and I hate you."  I said at nakita ko namang napanganga lang siya doon but what she said is more extreme than what I said. 

"You love her, siya ba? Wake up Amstel. She love somebody else. She shine with someone else. Stop pretending that you are okay and happy for her but the truth is you're not. You look pathetic. I hate pathetic people."

Hindi ko alam kung masasaktan ba ako dahil sa sinabi niya o maiinis ako dahil ganun yung tingin niya sa'kin. But I will admit what she said doesn't hurt that much dahil ang mas tumatak sa'kin is bakit ganun ang tingin niya sa'kin. 

Yes I am pretending that I am fine when it comes to Saffira pero alam ko din naman kung kailan ako dapat tumigil na gustuhin si Saffira. 

Hindi ko na madalas pa makita yung babaeng yun kahit nasa iisang building lang kami. My graduation came and I am the one who got the higher grades kaya kahit na hindi pa naman ako Engineer dahil kailangan ko pa magtake ng boards ang dami ng tumatawag sa'kin to work for them but I just focus on reviewing. 

Even if I am all aware that wala na akong pag-asa kay Saffira I still talk to her but I will admit every time I will talk to her mapapatanong na lang ako na mahirap ba akong gustuhin kaya hindi niya ako nagustuhan. 

But what that Veronica did to me literally shock me. 

"Yes, just like what Idid to you. Like what you said. I have my poison. What kind of poison do you think I have? Amstel Jacob Bandiala." she ask when we met at the elevator.