Eager Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 4

A/N Ok I just wanna say I'm sorry for not updating for 5 days. i was at my dad's which means I don't have an pc, and when I came back yesterday I was too tired to write another chapter. So, today I decided to avoid homework (as usual) by writing this chapter for you. It's a bit short, but I needed to end it like this. Next chapter will be longer, I promise ^^ Thanks for reading, feedback is appreciated! :) 

“Dean,” Sam said, his voice soft.

“No.”

“Dean, please, would you just-”

“I said no!”

They sat silent for a few minutes.

“Okay, listen. I don’t care what you think; I just want you to hear me out for one second. You don’t have to answer; you can ignore it but don’t interrupt me please. I really need to say this to you.”

Dean said nothing and continued looking at the road.

“Look, Dean, it isn’t your fault we’re like this. Dad made us do this and we had no other choice than to listen to him. We couldn’t choose the life we wanted, and you can’t blame yourself for that.

We’re doing this now, and no matter what you think, we can’t do anything else. You must accept it.”

Dean looked at him and put the music down.

“Do you really think that’s what all of this is about? No, Sammy, now you gotta listen to me.

I know we have to do this. I know we can’t turn back. But you, you had a choice. No, don’t give me that look. When mom died that night, that was the moment dad chose this life for us.

When we were young, he’d go hunting. And I stayed home. Protecting you. Because that was my job. Dad hunted and I looked after you.

But when we got older, I went hunting with dad. You didn’t. you went to school, you went to college, you had a girlfriend, you had a life, Sammy.

And I was okay with that. I accepted it, and I went on hunting with dad. I improved my skills and went on as i was supposed to. I became a hunter on my own, and I did a good job being it.

But that night, when I broke into your house, taking you with me to look for dad, I didn’t realize what I was doing. But now I do.

Because that night, I took everything from you. I brought you back into hunting. If I hadn’t done that, you’d still live your life, Sammy. You’d be graduated, living together with Jess, maybe even married by now.

You’d have children, a normal job, and everything you’ve ever wanted. And don’t tell me you didn’t, because you wouldn’t have gone to college if you didn’t want another life.

But when I took you with me, I failed my job. I failed to protect you. What if something had happened to you? I was glad we got back alive, but when I saved you from the demon that took Jess, the demon that took mom…

I knew I screwed up. I screwed up because you were meant to have the apple-pie-life, with Jess, away from hunting. Yet, I brought you back.

I knew you’d be in danger. And now, we’re sitting here, we’re hunting; we’ve been stabbed, kicked, tortured. We’ve been dead, more than once. We’ve been to hell, purgatory; we’ve been bitten and possessed.

We lost people, people we loved. And one day, I’m gonna lose you too. One day, I won’t be able to save you. And why? Because I failed my job. All because I took you with me to find dad.

And you know what? that’s what happens to everyone around me. Lisa and Ben. Bobby. Dad. Kevin. Everyone just gets hurt or is dead.

And now, you’re asking me to do the same to Cas. I can’t do that, Sammy. I can’t let him get hurt, or even die! He won’t be able to heal himself.

How will he protect himself? He can barely even dress himself! He’s not a hunter and he won’t ever become one. I can’t do this to him. He does have a choice, and I’m not gonna ruin his life by having him become a hunter.

I wanted you to have a normal life, Sammy. I wanted you to be happy and have a family on your own. You were supposed to die because you were old or something, not because frigging Lucifer possessed your body and getting you thrown into the cage with Michael to be dead for a year!

I can’t teach Cas how to hunt. He will be in danger and I won’t be able to protect him.

I can’t even teach him about humanity, I’m barely human myself! What is he gonna learn from me? how to keep demons out? How to screw everything up? How to get drunk as fast as possible to not feel the pain?

I can’t do it, and you know that.

I can’t watch him doing all kinds of messed up things we do.

I can’t watch him putting himself in danger.

I can’t watch him putting himself in danger.

I can’t watch him going from an innocent human to the exact opposite.

I can’t watch him become someone… someone like me.”