I love you but I hate you badboy

Sneaking out p3

In 1 hour so much can happen like seriously. Dylan and Mercedes kissed, Jason and Jennifer are dating, Nevaeh and Rafael are dancing together again, Alec's still at the bar drinking,Abigail is probably messing around with Marie and Kendall,Claudia looks happy with Alexander while they're talking, griffin and drew are sitting down talking and me well I'm alone like always. I'm gonna go get drunk. I got up and as I was making my way to the bar Alec is wobbling over to me. Ugh I'm just gonna walk away. "Wait Isabella help me please,help me I can't breather in here and I don't feel good." and you could smell the vodka in his breath. "You dumbass that's what you get for drinking too much. Why do you do this Alec?? Why??" I asked him. he just looked at me and I was all worried and shit so I grabbed him and helped him. "You can't even walk by yourself like seriously." He just looked at me again and we made eye contact but then I broke it and took him into a private room and I told him to take deep breaths . I was starting to leave and he grabs me by my forearm and he pulls me to his body and he's leaning down and I said ," let go off me what the hell are you doing??!" "I told you you were gonna pay for what you did." And by then I was trying to get out of his grasp but he was too strong and I was struggling. " I know you like me and I- " he stopped talking at that moment I stopped struggling and I looked at him and was about to ask him what was he about to say and he just leaned down and kissed me . Alec Ramirez is kissing me. Like kissing me . Lips to lips. He kissed me for about 1 full minute and I broke it off and I ran. I ran out of there. "What just happened" I whispered to myself . I grabbed a whole bottle of vodka, payed for it and ran out of the club . I didn't know where I was going and honestly I didn't care. I ran and ran until I couldn't anymore and I fell on my knees and broke. The memories came flooding back everything started falling apart all over again in this moment I wanted to die. He's confusing me and I'm not in the mood to go through this type of shit. It's like what happened to her. It was my fault and I promised to myself I wouldn't ever get to attached ever again. That night I lost her and I lost my brother my only brother I've ever had. I will never forgive myself ever again. But I can't let them see no I'll smile and pretend everything's okay like I do every day. I'm gonna rebel, I'm gonna be bad, I'm not gonna listen ,I don't care about my grades like I did before and most of all I'm not falling in love with the badboy. I should hate him instead or just not like him I said to myself as I kept drinking the bottle. Im not okay I said. I don't know if I'll ever be. These secrets are killing me.
No one knows except for claudia and I'm gonna keep it like that until I die I told myself as I was finishing the bottle I was dizzy and I didn't know where I was but it looked like it was somewhere in the woods. I didn't know anything anymore and I honestly didn't care I can feel myself going insane but not just because of that but also because of him and I'm scared . And like people say I'm just a cruel,cold,mean human being. That's all I am and that's probably I'll ever be.