Why Me?

Deep wounded

Jennie's POV

We pulled out of the kissed since we were both lacking out of air, we stayed forehead to forehead for a couple of minutes again, when realization hit her.

She distance herself from me with a widened eyes "oh god" she mumbled as she ruffled her hair in frustration, I just stared at her clueless, I was jolted in my seat when she started getting up and walking near her door.

"Lisa, where are you going?" Before she even open her door, I've stopped her.

"Let me be" She won't bring her eyes to meet mine.

"No, you are trying to run away again. Lisa, stop running away and please talk to me. Just hear me out at least. Please" I plead as I held her hands.

"Jennie, not now" She took her hands back and was about to pushed me aside for her to leave.

"No!" I literally blocked her door for her not to leave the room "I can't lose you again. Please, let's talk about this. What's holding you back? What's stopping you?" I asked sincerely.

"Just let me be, Jennie. Please" She tried to get away again.

"I said talk to me" My tears are now flowing again "We won't settle this thing between us. If you are always running away".

"Because I am afraid!" Now she yelled that flinched me, she walked back in her living brushing her hair in frustration.

"I am afraid of so many things, Jennie" She sat on the couch then she hide her face in her hand, while I stayed standing just a few inches away from her.

"Afraid of what decisions I would make again" I tried to calmed down to just listened to her.

"And that fear includes you" I felt a pang of pain in my heart.

"I am afraid of you, Jennie" She said almost whispering.

"I am afraid of people who come just to hurt me, and go unaware what pain they had put me through" She sniffed, implying she is now tearing up.

"Up until now, I can't bare to eased the pain that the first person put so much pain in my heart" I want to hold her, or even hug her to comfort her.

"She left me without saying why, she left like I was just nothing for her. She left without me hearing her say she loves me or how glad she is having me, And I can't accept the fact that I can't be mad to her without hearing her side. She is still my mother afterall. But how can she bear to leave her daughter just like that? It leaves a big scar on me, Jennie" She sobbed.

"I thought my dad will fulfill all the missing places that my mother left. But then again, it caused me another heartbreak. He left me again, alone. And for the second time, I didn't hear him saying that he loves me for the last time. Because how can he? It was an accident that no one wanted. But I was so young and naive back then. I was longing for love and attention. My nanny and my bodyguard looked after me. But it wasn't enough, Jennie" She looked at me, eyes watering, I feel pain seeing how vulnerable she is.

"I grew up questioning myself, what have I done wrong for me to be this unlucky when it comes to people giving me some love. I grew up resenting myself for being not enough for the people to stay and just love me. I distance myself to people starting then because I am afraid that if I got attached to them they will just have a reason to leave me" I looked down feeling helpless.

"But then you came, Jennie. You turned me upside down. You fulfill the need and longing for the love that my parents failed to give me. I thought I already get through the cursed that the universe threw at me. At least I already have you. I did my best to be a good person. To be worthy of you. It came to the point that I can't lose you anymore. That i'm sure I would go insane if ever there's happened to you. I did my best to protect you at all cost. That I failed to protect myself. I am so wrecked inside Jennie. So wrecked when you came. But little by little you put back the puzzle into me again. I became whole again. I became alive and ready to start my day, because I know you are there waiting for me. Because I know that there are you who are giving me love and affection".