Things I can't//Larry Stylinson

Chapter 6

***He's right where I should, where I should be***

It's been almost a year since I've released my first solo album. It had a major success. I would have never expected it to hit the top charts. It was all thanks to my amazing fans. They supported me when I was in a band and now they accepted me on a solo career.

The whole album means so much to me. I wanted to show everyone the person I really am. The person I wanna be and the person who would do anything for the fans. I practically dedicated it to each and every one of them.

I love to say that it was only for the amazing people out there, but that's not completly truth. When I was writing the album I didn't even released it but when I was finished and went through every song I made, I noticed that most of them are about one particular person. Yes, exactly - Louis. It was the time when I was still very affected by him leaving me, so I had nothing better to do than write songs about him. You know, song writers always write from their personal experience and Louis used to be my world, he was my everything, so there was nothing else to write about.

As I already mentioned it's been a while since my first album. I'm already working on another one, but there are still some songs I need to write or just finish. 

I wanna write about my feelings again. I want to tell the whole world what I feel right now and how are things with me now. However there is a problem. At the moment I feel like a shit.

I am single. Well, not everyone thinks that because I'm once again faking a relationship with Kendall. And why am I doing it? Because I wanna make my ex who is now happily engaged jealous. Gosh, I am so pathetic. I don't even recognize myself. How could I drop so low? What's wrong with me?

I want to express all these feelings, so I take my notebook, open a new word document and start writing words that come to my mind.

I'm in my bed
And you're not here

What am I now? What am I now?
What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
What if I'm down?
What if I'm out?
What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

 I write many words, sentences and even paragraphs. Then as usual I erase most of it. I stare at the few lines I left there and I can't not notice it's really about my situation right now. I'm trying to find out who really am I and if I wanna be the person I am right now. 

Honestly I still don't know. I have no one to love me, just my family. There is no special person I would dedicate my whole life. I wanna love again and I wanna be loved again. 

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Few days went by and I spent the whole time making music. Mitch and I have been sitting in the studio for days, trying to figure everything out.

However this weekend I'm taking a little break. Today is Little Mix's party and I am going with Kendall. I think I really deserve some fun, I've been so busy these past days and I honestly wanna just have a good time with couple of friends.

Right now I'm on my way to Kendall. My driver is driving pretty fast because I'm late. It took me some time to choose the perfect suit for tonight. After almost an hour of trying different outfits I picked a purple gucci suit. I'm really satisfied with my choice and I think the time I needed to get prepared was worth it.

When I arrive at Kendall's she joins me in the car and we together drive to the party. When we finally get there it seems like everyone is already there. Besides Little Mix girls, there are boys from 5 Seconds of Summer, boys from Why Don't We and guys from my band. 

Everyone looks like they already had couple of drinks. For example Calum Hood and Jack Avery are literally twerking in the middle of the room. My eyes go wide at the view. I had no idea these two can move like this.

"This is still good, few minutes ago they attempted to do ballet. It was hilarious," Perrie says when she joins us.

"Oh god, hope you recorded it," Kendall laughs.

"Not me, but Niall did. Nothing hides from Niall and his camera."

I nervously chuckle, while thinking about the time Niall recorded me. It happened 4 years ago, me and Louis were laying on the couch in my apartment. We were making out and I had no idea that Niall entered my house until we heard. "God, finally I get to see larry making out." He had a camera in his hands and everything was recorded. He promised to delete the video, but it's Niall, of course he didn't do it. 

"C'mon let's get you something to drink," Luke comes to greet us and leads the way to the kitchen with drinks. Me and Kendall take our drinks and rejoin everyone in the living room. It's beautiful house, I'm more than sure it belongs to Leigh-Anne.

"I wanna dance," the tall girl I came with whispers in my ear and who am I to not accept an invitation to dance.

We make our way to the center of the room under a huge chandelier. The loud music is coming from the speakers and what else could they play than all of our songs on shuffle. 

I place my hands on Kendall's waist to bring her closer to me and her arms find their way around my neck. We're moving our bodies while She looks so perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer is on. Then I hear a voice say: "You look so perfect." I'd recognize this voice anywhere. I turn my gaze to that person and I see Louis dancing with his fiancée while whispering these words into her ears.

It's like he feels my gaze on him when his blue eyes meet my green ones. Our eye contact doesn't last more than a few seconds because he turns back to Eleanor and places a soft kiss on her cheek. 

Kendall also notices my ex and leans in to whisper in my ear. "Let's put a little show for him." That moment she turns around that her back is pressing on my chest. She takes my hands and at first puts them oh her shoulders, however then slowly moves them to her hips.

I point my gaze on Louis and I can see that he's definitely been watching us the whole time. As a response he grabs Eleanor's butt and gives it a squeeze. He burries his face into her neck and and when she gives him more space by removing her hair and placing it on the other shoulder, he starts to suck on her skin.

Kendall notices and turns her front back to mine. "Trust me," she whispers and then out of nowhere, she grabs my jaw and brings me closer to her. One last deep look in her eyes and then I close them and all I can feel are her lips moving in sync with mine.

When we faked our relationship before we had to kiss a couple of times, so her touch wasn't new for me. 

After a while we pull away and when I stare at the place Louis used to stand, there is no one. Both of them left. I don't know if it was because of what I did or if he just got bored and left.

I haven't seen any of them for the rest of the night. Not that I cared because I was glad I could spent some time with my friends without worrying about him.

At the end of the night, when I was driving back to my place, I got a message.

@jamescorden Hey man, how you doing? Heard about you and Kendall. If it's real this time, I am happy for you. However don't you both want to attend my show next weekend? I would be honored. Let me now as soon as possible.

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Hey guys!

Another chapter done, yaay! Hope you liked it.

Jealous Louis is the best Louis!!!

Vote and comment <3

Mary x