15 • Definitely Not Casual

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My body thought I was doing wind sprints, but all I was doing was standing still, holding this girl

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My body thought I was doing wind sprints, but all I was doing was standing still, holding this girl.

"I told myself I wasn't going to kiss you because I want you to understand this isn't just about sex. Tonight is about showing you I'm more than just that guy."

Camilla stared back at me, and I would have given anything to know what she was thinking.

All of a sudden I heard my baby brother's voice in my head. If you like her, and you want her to give you a chance, be honest.

I had no idea if this was the right thing to say, but it was true, so I just said it.

"I want to be something more to you, Camilla. And to be honest," I let out a nervous chuckle, "that fucking scares me for a lot of reasons."

Camilla didn't laugh or scoff or even smile. Instead, she came even closer to me.

"You wanna know a secret?" Camilla whispered.

I leaned my forehead against hers, then laced our fingers together. Waiting. Wanting to hear what this girl had to say.

The lights from Bannisters Wharf sparkled in the distance, and the yacht gently rocked against a rogue harbor wave, but all I could see was her. 

"I'm scared, too. But, my sister once told me you shouldn't shy away from the things in life that scare you. You should do them, because life is short and regrets never leave you. They just stack up inside your heart until the day you die."

Buried alive in regret? That wasn't how I intended to go.

"I've tried to live the last two months like Lydie always wanted me to. Without fear. And, well, it led me here. To you."

I brought her hands to the small of my back, then let my arms wrap around her, holding Camilla close to my chest. "I don't want to regret not taking a chance on this. On us. Especially not because I was acting like some pussy ass bitch."

I could feel her smiling against my chest. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Probably not."

Camilla shook her head, and I held her a little tighter as a warm gust of southerly wind whipped across the deck.

"It's a shame you aren't going to kiss me," Camilla said, tilting her chin up to look at me. "Because this is a pretty romantic moment. The stars are out, and we're all alone."

I bit down on my lip, trying to hold back a smile. "Camilla Isley, are you daring me to kiss you?"

"Maybe I am."

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