BROVE BLOVE UNTIL LOVE

Chapter 48: Philophobia

Wist's P.O.V.

Sometimes you wonder why some people really care about you...
Sometimes you just make a mistake by generalizing that everyone wants to hurt you and cause your sadness.
Sometimes your imagination could be the reason for it to be a reality!

A woman could be over jealous and always doubting the loyalty of her partner until he gets fed up and truly betray her by finding the one who listens to his misery but...
At this point, who is the one responsible for this disagreement?
To be honest, no one could answer but them to that question on one condition; it's that they would be on their own, not when they're facing each other as nobody likes to take the blame.

One of the lyrics that really attracted my attention and my thinking was:
"Guess you didn't cheat but you're still a traitor!"
The problem isn't having a relationship with another girl when it comes to a man, or a guy when it comes to a woman... No!
It's even about the thought, the comparison, the imagination, the normal hangout that you deep down know it means something to you, the get to know, the fun, the laughing, and even the way you look at her!
This look with eyes full of admiration, curiosity, and fascination....

It's also about the regret you start to feel for the girl or man you have at home, the way you try to make him or her feel like he or she sabotages everything, and he or she is the worst thing that ever happened to you, and that you were better off him or her.
This all breach of faith and double-dealing; betraying someone's trust is way bigger than what people think unfortunately.

That's why I fear falling in love; I am frightened to turn into this wide-eyed girl waiting for her Prince Charming to respect her and make her feel like a queen in his eyes and in front of everyone else. I'm afraid of dealing with this adult life and seeing my husband with girls and ask him to hear at last that those are his female friends.
I can't bear seeing him hugging or kissing them on the cheeks...
I keep this worry buried inside of me hoping I'd never deal with it in my future life...

But what if?
Should I just play dumb to have and keep him?! Stay watching like nothing is happening...
Keep on bearing and bearing until I explode and he would say that I am just over-suspicious, and insecure and that he's fed up of this!

Sometimes I really hope we return back to the past where there were limits between people... I'm not talking about movies because those are the main reason for what we're experiencing and living now.
In the past, women used to wear cute puffy dresses that were truly elegant just for their normal day out...
Girls were more delicate, shy, and amazingly charming but all this didn't turn them into hooker in men' eyes. In fact, all men were so polite then, even those we called harasser are nothing compared to those we have these days; now studies confirm that 83% of Egyptian women had experience sexual harassment at some time...
Can you believe it?!

When I listened to my grandma talking about that time, I felt I was more like them; I wanted that girls and boys would have limits while talking together or doing anything together.
If I'm your wife then I wouldn't be insecure because at that time, I'll be sure that those around you are only co-workers, secretary, colleagues or anything but not you friend or BFF or your very close female friend.

When I see my friends getting engaged and going out with their fiancé... I keep wondering about how the engagement period would be:
Could we hold hands?
Could we talk comfortably like carefree or should we always be careful?
What if he watches every move even those I didn't intend to do test me in a certain way? What if my unaware actions turns out to be impolite? How could he judge me?

I just feel that marriage, and engaged are truly hard for me than tests and exams because here we don't have a curriculum about how to act and behave, how to understand the person in front of you with his needs, how to know whether he's worth it or not, how to love, how to be worthy in his eyes, how to captivate his attention, how to have a successful relationship, how to never get bored, and how to care or ...

Some men always want to feel like they are the smartest so, they just want a female acting stupid while she gets everything.
Others like to have power so, they want a submissive to be her dominant!
Others want love, caring, loyalty, and attention so, they want a wife like their mom: thoughtful!
Others like the torturing so, they want a woman always hurting them and making their life uneasy.
Others are players and womanizer so, they like to feel that the girl they have attracts a lot of rivals and that he should be patient along the competition to keep her for himself forever as she could easily go away and leave him; he should have his eyes focused on her and not other women or else she'll slip away.
Others like the talkative woman, talking about her achievements and her normal day while others like the listener type to hear him out and know all what he's going through and try to find the best way to solve each one of your problems neglecting her own crisis to not sabotage his mood even more.

So...
Just like that, a woman should be really smart to understand everything he want out of all this...
Maybe one, two or a few!
Why does it have to be hard? Why isn't relationships easy and simple as they are in movies and series? How could I understand a man correctly?

How could I deal with all these ideas at once? What freaks me out is that sometimes when we try our best to avoid certain mistakes, we end up making them or even worse!

"Wist!
What are you thinking about?
I'm talking to you and you're not even listening to me, are you even paying attention right now?
Hey, aren't you gonna answer my question?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't focused what were you saying Andre?"

"Oh my God! Don't tell me you didn't hear me say Will you marry me!
I mean out of all what I have said about loving you since I first saw you, how I really got attached to each thing you did since I met, how you really made me charmed by you that I can't take my eyes off you, how you got me so damn jealous with these brothers running after you, how you made me trying so hard to protect from anyone or anything making you tear up precious tears they never deserved or even how you made me fear hurting you without even noticing.... Don't tell me that out of all this you didn't hear me asking to marry you! "

"Wait! What?"

"Is this a way of refusing and turning me down?
just tell me: Is it a yes or no?"