BROVE BLOVE UNTIL LOVE

Chapter two: Your past builds up your present

Few years ago

It's really beautiful if life chose to make you suffer a lot but you chose to benefit from it to the most and help others in need! Fighting each gloomy memory, each horrific past, each person pushing you to fall and disbelieve your own capabilities  isn't easy, but as Susan Gale said
"Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness."
So, whatever weakness you have, don't let life get to it and kill each beautiful part in you easily, make this test a turning point to be a stronger person, to unleash your ace, and to find your true strength.

Intellia
A scream shattered the silence...
The sound of whimpering could be heard after that along with the slapping...
"THUD!" A horrifying sound of something heavy had fell and hit the floor.
"HIDE PLEASE, INTELLIA! ALL OF YOU HIDE!"
"NO..... M...."

Woke up to the same nightmare that keeps on messing with my brain, why does my past keep following me stopping me from moving on with my life without remembering this drama? When will I be unaffected my it?!

A message popped to my phone screen:

"I don't think my life matters, nobody cares for me! I live with my family while I feel totally alone; nobody hears me, and nobody ever tried to feel what I feel, nobody ever loved me, I don't even have a friend nor a boyfriend.... I am devastated. I think about suicide a lot but I have never had any attempts. I am too weak to think like that?"

Of course I had to respond quickly and wittily

"Don't ever think about suicide. Nobody should!  God is the only one responsible for your death day and how it happens. Life is
God's Best Gift. Life is an exam and just like they say you have to be excellent to be called mam and don't think about the bad things in your life, think about your good health. All your members that God blessed you with along with each blessing you hadn't noticed before. Find your talent, aim high, have a dream, try to achieve it, love yourself, find your identity, have courage and be kind (from cinderella), search for good friends, not cool friends nor popular one that are superficial.
However about your family, they're all busy in life just as you are but you could start helping your mom in her house work and try to talk to her; she would hear you after; this way she'll have more time for you. And if no boys ever see you, they are the ones losing. Love isn't always about boys, you could have family, friends and mates . People aren't the ones to decide whether your life matters or not, you are the one in control, a person could choose to be a scientist, dedicate his life to find a cure of a major disease, to make people happy, even to make them respect him or ignore him.

I once read in a book the contract a wise thing :

"life is made up of moments. All sorts of them. Sad ones, good ones, and great ones. They make up the tapestry that is your life. Hold on to all of them—especially the great ones. They make the others easy to take."

And this was my response.

Well, love meant to me something totally different than all the other people, it was pure, innocent. It's being comfortable, peaceful, safe, happy, strong and crazy in a weird way with a person . Feeling like you own this world and wanting to make everybody feel as happy and joyful as you are. It wasn't related to touch, it was related to the soul, talking to somebody for hours without even getting bored of it, looking in his eyes and feeling like you're travelling all over the world exploring every little detail in it. Like patients of cystic fibrosis unable to touch each other but they could feel each other, they stay away but they know their lovers better without being close so they won't hurt them.

Anyway, she got the message and she read it and sent me this respond after few days .....

" You know I never thought I would benefit from a site like this, but you really helped me, you gave me an incentive to change, to explore my personality, to deal with my flaws first, before blaming others, to see what I have always had, without me even noticing. You should be proud of yourself and your work. I am now one of your fans. Hope we could talk again. "

The happiness you get from helping others, is the best feeling you'll get during your whole life and journey!

I guess you're wondering what is it with this messaging well it was my escape gait, my blog "DEALING WITH LIFE" that was my way of helping others with my experience to overcome their gloomy thoughts by sharing as I had to do alone. I wanted them to avoid suffering more by being alone. Because just hearing you are not alone can sooth your pain a lot. Can't believe it, huh? But it is so true. Try it and see for yourself!

I did my routine and got ready to go to the opera where I sing occasionally...
"Hello beautiful, thinking of giving me your number!" Joseph said with a wink.
"NO."
"Why are you mad, my love, today? Didn't you have a good sleep yesterday or couldn't you because I was all what you thought of?!
Tell me! Don't worry I won't tell anybody haha but... everyone that you're madly in love with me."
I walked away ignoring him, not even glimpsing him as this stupidity wasn't worth it. I went to our voice coach to ask him my song was going to know whether he prepared the music to the concert or not already...
"Hello, mr. Hicks. I just came in to check on the progress of my song so, how is it going?"
"Oh! Miss Kindle, I'm sorry but I don't think we'll do it this year too maybe next year; I haven't had time to compose the music and we ended up adding another song I had prepared before that Tyler will sing."
Oh now I saw where that was going...
"Oh Tyler as in Tyler, your son huh! Of course... of course, how could I sing in your son's concert and his friends, right? I'm leaving this stupid place anyway and that's why I'll just let it all out. I'm tired.... YOU get it? I'm tired of this acting, lying, cheating, and bribery! You only let your son sing with his friends and any girl that likes him... All the singers know about it and that's why they fake it until they make it. You think any of them truly likes your son? The answer to that is NO! You don't know that but you're really stopping him from having real friends when you're making everyone around him pretend to achieve what he wants; you're ruining his life!
I drop out of this because I respect my dignity and I won't ever hurt my self-regard in this losing game."
I said that and walked away leaving him with his mouth hanging open.
God I hate this world of hypocrisy; it's really tiring when you know that the only way to be loved by everyone around you is to act as another person not yourself...
Didn't anybody get sick from smiling and talking nicely to people you already know their bad intentions just to make your mom or dad happy? Didn't any introvert get uncomfortable from being around people you don't feel comfortable with for hours doing nothing but nodding and trying to react to what they're saying when all what you wanted was stay alone? Didn't any of you get fed up of going to weddings when all what you do is stay on the table and go from time to time on the dance floor as an applauder and then go back to the table?
They always tell you you have to show who you are and you have to unleash your uniqueness and singularity while in reality, they only want you a certain copy of a person you aren't; what a dilemma!

I got out of there trying to calm myself until I go to my grandparents' house to calm down. Yeah, about that; I'm the kind of person that calms down alone not around anybody, I stay a while either yelling at myself blaming myself for something or staying silent while closing my eyes to stop all the feelings I have towards a person to stop it from hurting him. Because when I am angry, one of my thoughts anybody should fear is revenge. Yeah, REVENGE! Anybody has it, don't ever think that the nicest people alive who don't ever hurt who they love don't have it. They do have it but they control it and calm it and that's actually the main difference between a kind person and an evil one. The evil one is the weakest; because he can't block this side of him, however, he chose not to hold his temper and his thoughts and let's it all out! Unfortunately, people see the kind person most of the time weak and unable to stop those who keep hurting him so, they keep on pushing him to the limit too much as they don't know that if this kind one chose to let this side out after all these years of blocking they'll end up begging for him to come back to the old him unable to believe who he turned to as this one in front of them is a monster!

Unfortunately, dominance and control, pressure, stress, bullying, discrimination, racism, injustice, criticism, and any negative feelings do affect the person's mentality, personality, and future in the worst way... they might not be seen by a lot as a crime but it truly is! A lot end up suiciding and giving up the fight, some end up criminals and I never give them the right to that, some end up losing their mind, some end up being someone they hate to live with that and these are all sad endings we wish to avoid ...
So, if you're ever doing any of that on your child or on anyone, please stop ✋! Imagine being his place and think of what you do to him and how it truly hurts him. Hear him out! Be his friend! Help him be loved by unleashing his good side to others! Show him after all this hate that he's loved, worth loving and that his life matters!