dirty little secrets → rc

40: not enough love

The drive back to Figure Eight consisted of listening to music loud enough so my thoughts were drowned out, the wind flowing in my hair, and Rafe's hand glued to my thigh. 

Every five or so minutes I'd feel him try and edge his fingers up my leg to the hem of my shorts but as quick as it happened I'd smacked his hand away. 

The thought of me not wearing underwear meant he couldn't keep his hands to himself, he was constantly moving his glance to the road and then down to my legs. 

The car pulled up to my large driveway and I was itching to get out of these clothes. I ripped open the door and walked around the car as he rolled down his window. I stood at his door with my arms leaning over into the car. "Thank you, Rafe...I mean it, this has been the best 24 hours I could have asked for" I grinned meeting his heavy eye contact. 

"The best for the best" he grinned moving in his seat closer to me, he reached his head out trapping my lips in a sweet kiss. I smiled into the kiss loving how sweet Rafe was being, although I was painfully aware good things never really seemed to last.

My point was proven as I walked through my front door seeing my mother immediately roll her eyes when I entered the room. "Sorry I didn't come home last night it was pouring rain so we stayed off the island and I-" I started rambling trying to at least explain to my mother in case she was mad.

She raised her hand to effectively silence me, "Why are you talking?" she complained rubbing her hand over her overly done botoxed forehead. "Quiet" she mumbled clearly hungover but with a wine bottle perched in her hand.

I ran upstairs immediately changing into tracksuit pants and a white crop top before throwing my body onto my bed. I spent an hour aimlessly scrolling through my phone before I got restless, Standing up from my bed I threw my long hair into a ponytail and grabbed my Yeezy slides and headphones moving downstairs.

I walked straight past my mother drinking on the couch before taking the quick walk down to the beach, I kicked the sand wishing there was something I could do to help my mother. 

I'd tried so hard in the past, I'd spent hours begging and pleading with her to get sober but all I got back was her screaming in my face. I was told it wasn't my place to butt in and was told not to inject myself into's adults conversations because I wanted "attention".

I never wanted attention.

I simply wanted to have a conversation with my mother where she wasn't boozed out of her mind or borderline bullying me. 

I wished my father never put her in a position to even drink in the first place. It all stemmed down to him not being faithful to their marriage. 

There'd been times where I'd just wished they'd separate considering they made each other beyond miserable. 

But I knew that would mean I'd have two households where I'd be neglected.

My parents didn't love each other enough to love their kids, that was a simple fact.

But despite my issues within my family, I was happy, happy I'd spent time with Rafe and that I'd actually heard the words straight from his mouth. 

Rafe Cameron had feelings for me, he wanted me and for that reason, the smile on my face didn't fade once staring at the calm sea before my eyes.

I walked down the soft sand and took my shoes off and sat down looking around at the quiet beach. Despite the perfect weather it wasn't crowded in the slightest which was normal considering it was a secluded beach mostly occupied by those who lived on it.