dirty little secrets → rc

53: dangerous game

I invented this version of myself that doesn't open up to people.

A version of myself that doesn't let anyone get close enough to my heart. A version that doesn't let anyone get to the point where they could possibly ever love me. 

Yet Rafe was standing before me removing all my doubts that I was unloveable.

Except when I finally looked up from my feet he wasn't standing in front of me anymore. It took me a millisecond to snap out of my trance and begin desperately looking around the room. Seeing no sight of him I ripped open the door and before thinking I took off into the pouring down rain. 

I caught Rafe's back storming down the gravel driveway, judging by the power and anger in his step I ran quicker in an attempt to catch up to him. 

"Rafe!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Stop!!" I tried again but to no avail. 

My clothes were soaked through as I screamed and begged him to turn around. 

I always somehow managed to find a way to fuck things up for myself. I do it without realizing or thinking and it was a fatal flaw I wish I could change about myself. 

He poured his heart out in front of me and I couldn't even manage to get a word out, it was completely my fault. 

I was caught in my own mind and let him slip away.

I let my Rafe slip out from my grips. 

The guts it took him to finally open up to me and I left him standing there in the cold. I could never forgive myself if he walked away. 

It was deja vu, except this time I wasn't the one doing the running. 

"Rafe!" I screamed again "I love you, you fucking idiot!" I yelled and stopped in my step watching for a reaction. 

I silently watched him halt and painfully slowly turn around to face me, the distance between us felt like miles so I used the opportunity to cautiously yet desperately approach the man I love. 

"Don't say things you don't mean" Rafe said with bitterness in his voice. I tried to meet his eye contact but the nasty look on his face make my stomach churn. I took a calming deep breath but my heart rate spiked when he began turning around. 

"You know I fucking mean it, everyone knows I mean it. I'm crazy about you, I love you so much it makes me fucking crazy!" I yelled hastily wiping my wet hair away from my face. 

Rafe faced me again and stood with an unreadable expression. 

I watched him take a step closer to me closing the space between our bodies. 

"You love me?" he whispered cupping my jaw in his hands. I closed my eyes and nodded my head against his hold, "I need words babe" 

"Yes, I love you...I'm in love with you" I reassured him as his face broke out into a wide grin. He was like a kid on Christmas morning and I was the reason I got to see his very rare smile. 

"How the fuck have I managed to make the Willow Baldwin fall in love with me," he said with a cheeky grin making me roll my eyes. 

"Shut up or I'll take it back" I scoffed and playfully slapped his chest. 

"No takebacks baby, you love me" he threw his arms around me drawing me closer to his body. I couldn't help but laugh as he squeezed my waist tight and even lifted my feet off the ground. 

"Let me breathe dumbass" I huffed with a fake annoyed look.

He finally dropped me carefully to the ground but I wasn't done, I snaked my arms around his torso and cuddled up to his body. I had missed his touch and wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon. I smiled as he rested his chin on my shoulder, "I know you deserve better than me" he whispered.