209-Dizzy

Hold It Against Me

"Let's start with something easy," Ashton began, looking to me. "Where are you from?"

I thought for a moment before choosing to answer truthfully, after all they probably have my address on file.

"Bellows."

"I haven't heard of it, is that around here?" He asked, inquisitively.

"Same state, it's just out in the middle of nowhere." I shrugged.

"Aha" He spoke, "so you're a country girl."

"Ew no." I said, as he laughed at my repulsion. "Contrary to your beliefs, I don't do dirt, bugs, or ride in some horse wagon."

"No wagon?!"

I rolled my eyes at his fake bewilderment.

As much as I tried to act annoyed, I couldn't help but smile.

"Next question!" He chirped, clapping his hands together.

"Can I ask the next one?" I questioned.

He looked happy that I was participating, "of course!"

"Why am I here?" I asked him, while fiddling with my fingers.

"At the hospital? According to your chart you complained of being dizzy and-"

"No-" I stopped him, putting my out for him to stop. "I meant, why am I here, with you." I rephrased.

"That bad, huh?" He asked.

"Not really, I just don't understand why I've been classified as a 'psych' patient." I said, shrugging.

"I made that up." Ashton said, looking to me. "I mean, I am evaluating you, but you're not under that full title. I just needed a bluff."

I made the O- shape with my mouth as I looked to him.

He smiled, and stood as he walked over to a shelf that was placed on the side of one of his windows.

"You like music?" He asked me, picking up a CD.

"Yeah," I said, slightly confused.

He nodded and placed the CD inside the player and hit the start button. Soft sounds of pop filled the room on a low level.

I found myself zoning off into the sound, without even realizing. It was nice to have some kind of noise without it being made by a beeping machine, or a guard yelling.

"I thought that might help." He said, slouching back into his chair.

I looked at him quizzically.

"You've relaxed," he said nodding at my leaning position on the couch.

He was right, the sound had calmed my mind slightly. Maybe it was because I didn't have to hear myself think anymore.

"You know, talking through what you're thinking might help you feel less, on edge." Ashton suggested.

"You won't hold it against me later, or make me feel bad for what I've said?" I asked.

Ashton looked concerned, and thought a minute before he spoke again.

"Does someone hold things you say against you?"

"I- that's not what I.." I stuttered trying to cover the statement I had just made. That was such a shitty thing for me to say, my dad would be so angry that I even thought that harsh accusation.

I looked down, silently. I was out of the mood to talk now, I was so angry with myself.

"Hun," I heard him speak, as he leaned toward me. "I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry I jumped to such a heavy topic."

I shook my head as I looked back up to him.

"Can we just move on?" I asked.

"Will you tell me what you were about to say?" He pressed lightly.

"I'm not ready to talk now." I said, looking down toward the floor.

He frowned slightly, and sighed.

" I understand Alice. Think we can try again later?" He asked, with hopefulness in his voice.

"I'd like that."