Chasing Redemption (Book 2 of Chasing Series)

Twenty-Two | Failed explanations

There's a knock at my bedroom door. 

I'm facing the frosted window. The rain patters down the panes; small droplets sliding at different paces. I find two and watch them race each other to the bottom before they meet, becoming one. 

The door creaks open and I know who it is before they say anything. The fact they are tip-toeing around like they shouldn't be in here is a fair indication. 

I clench my duvet around my fists, pulling it up and under my chin. 

The door clicks behind me. I know he's standing next to the bed, but I refuse to turn over and see him. 

"Rhea." 

My entire body tenses from his voice. It still doesn't feel real.  

I don't understand how any of this is really happening. I don't think I ever will.

"I want to explain why—"

"I don't want your explanation," I whisper, unsure if it's audible to him. 

"Please," he responds. 

The room quietens as I watch the outside world succumb to a wind storm. Trees sway aggressively to the side, fighting against the force. A bird lets itself be carried along, aware that it can do nothing but let itself be taken. 

"If you just what I have to say, maybe you'll—"

"I'll never understand."

I turn over to face him. It's like I've been punched straight in the stomach when I meet his gaze. Broken brown eyes stare back at me, waiting for me to talk. 

Obviously, I never want to see Brax in pain, but I can't seem to find it within me to care that he's hurting over this. He left me here to grieve right after we'd all lost Casey. 

"I'll never understand why you did this."

"Can't I at least tell you? What is the harm in knowing why?"

I throw the covers back, standing in front of him. My finger shakes as I point it towards his chest angrily. 

"Because nothing you say now can change what you did! You left me here all alone when I was already struggling. You think you always know what's best for people, but you don't. You have no idea how much unnecessary pain you caused me. You pretended—I thought you were dead," I croak. 

He goes to reach for my cheek, but I slap away his hand. I hug my arms around myself, perching on the edge of the bed. 

"Couldn't have been too heartbroken if you've fucked my brother, though." 

I turn my head towards his again, glaring. "Not that it should really be any of your business, but we haven't slept together. I'm so sorry that you don't agree with my choices after you've just decided to come back to life. You haven't been here all year."

He sighs, running a hand along his face. It's crazy that he looks exactly the same as he did the last time I saw him. When he promised he'd meet me at the hospital, only for me to wake up hearing that he'd been killed.

"Where's Xav and Sof?" 

"In the kitchen cooking breakfast. Did you want to come out?"

"Not if you're gonna be there."

"Rhea—"

"Go away...Brax."

His name sticks to the roof of my mouth like it isn't a natural sound. 

"Not until you let me tell you what I have to say." 

"Not now. I'm not ready."

"Rhea—" 

"Stop."

"I—" 

"For fuck's sake, would you just stop?" I shout. 

I can feel my sadness beginning to overthrow the anger. I don't want to look pathetic in front of him. Crying was embarrassing to me, even if my life was surrounded by it. 

"You weren't here. You don't understand how badly you hurt me. You don't understand how close I was to just ending it all. So, you wanna know what I did? I checked into a facility and I stayed there for a year. Because I didn't trust myself. 

I thought maybe I was starting to do better, too, but everything is just the same as it was last year. Your fucked up family involving me in their lives again, forcing me to stay here whilst they search for Charlie. Davina has a new client that links Xavier to the case—"

"That case doesn't involve Xavier. It involves me." 

"Wait, what?" 

The last thing I want right now is another bombshell, but that's exactly what I get.

"I killed that lowlife. Just another relative to Charlie that was causing trouble. That's what I've been doing this past year. I've been making sure that—"

"You've been killing people? You pretended to die so that you could go around killing people?"

"It's not exactly like that, Rhea. I only killed him."

"Only," I laugh sarcastically. "You say it like it shouldn't matter."

"It shouldn't! I was doing it to protect you, to—"

"Don't you dare bring me into this. What happened to the person who hated killing, huh? Who hadn't before last year?" 

"You're being unreasonable."

I begin to laugh so loudly that it becomes foreign to my own ears. I sound insane. It matches how I feel at least. 

"You come in here forcing me to listen to something I'm not ready for and you're calling me unreasonable? Get the fuck out before I kill you."

Something cold washes over his expression, an expression I hadn't seen in a long time. He used to look at me like that in the beginning when we first met. 

How well can you really know a person, though, if they fake their own death and return a year later? 

"When will you let me explain?" 

"That will be on my terms, Braxton. Right now I don't really care at all. You're nothing like the person I thought you were."

"You know that isn't true."

"Isn't it? You just willingly admitted like it was nothing, that you killed somebody. I don't know anything about you, really. And frankly, you don't know who I am anymore either."

He shakes his head, eyes growing further and further away from reality. 

"You think I haven't been watching over you this entire time? Why do you think I've chosen now to come back?" 

"Besides the fact I don't care at all, I'm sure that it is all for selfish reasons."

"You're impossible."

"And you're supposed to be dead, so why don't you return that way."

His eyes flash with hurt and for a moment, I rethink the harsh tone of my words. It doesn't take me long to remember all the shit he has caused me this past year, though. So when I've shoved him out the door, I make sure it slams extra loud in his face.