Rewrite the Stars

Chapter 06: Memories

"Amid the chaos, hope is what keeps us alive"
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Hareem's POV:
I stayed lost in my memories as I laid on the couch in my room. Staring at the ceiling my mind wandered in my thoughts. I don't know how much time has passed or how many hours have passed since I came home from my university. My exams ended today and I was supposed to be free. Free of tension or any other work. I thought it would be just me and time. I would do loads of things. Watch movies, stay up late, learning new things as I take my time to move further with life, but all of those things and ideas and goals have disappeared like tears in the rain and stars in the daylight. Everything seems to be fading slowly and gradually. I feel like everything around me is contracting somehow like something is trying to overpower the other making their own space. The air feels suffocating, the environment feels like a cage and I feel like I'm being targeted somehow. All those thoughts have done nothing good to me.

I tried to sleep to shut down all the unnecessary notions that cloud my mind every now and then but everything seems ridiculous. It's like my mind doesn't want to think anything else and my heart doesn't want to feel anything else. Both of them wanted to wander themselves in thoughts which will do no good to my anxiety. The heart and mind seems to be uncontrolled today as I feel my soul crushing, my thoughts weighing me down gradually and just like that I fell into a deep slumber.

It was nearly Asar when I woke up. It felt like ages has passed while I was sleeping but as I looked at the wall clock in my room, only one hour has passed. I sighed knowing there will be no way I was getting a good peaceful sleep today or... maybe tonight. It was futile to try to sleep as Azan-e-Asar sounded in the sky. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face to remove any ounce of sleep. Making my waduu I spread the prayer mat and offered my namaz. I felt my nerves calming as I went in sujood. Making Dua in front of my Lord I poured my heart out in front of Allah. I know all my worries will disappear if I tell Him. He is the Creator and He is the healer.

I came downstairs to make tea for myself. My head's been exploding as the pain only increased. As I was straining the tea for me and Mama I heard her come in. I turned around and handed her the cup of tea. She took it from my hands and we both sat down on each of the stools in the kitchen. I was quietly sipping my tea when I heard Mama ask

"Are you okay Hareem?"
I looked at her and answered
"I'm fine".

She clicked her tongue and I knew she wasn't going to buy my lie. I down casted my head and she ran a light hand over my head. I heard her soft voice

"What is troubling you Hareem? You seem so quiet today".

Hearing the worry in her voice I cannot help but pour my heart out to her.

"I don't know. Everything's taking a toll on me". I heard her sigh. Patting my head she said to me

"I know how you feel my child. I understand you. Marriage is never easy especially for a girl. She has to leave everything behind to go with her husband to start the new chapter of her life which is destined for her".

As I heard her I feel silent tears leaking through me eyes. I sat up and hugged her tightly. She instantly wrapped her arms around me, securing me in her embrace. She held me like I was still a child who is just born and knew nothing about the outside world which is cruel and unkind.I wish to be a child, free from any sorts of pressure or worries and living life like it's a fairytale but it can't be like this. I have to grow up. I couldn't help but think about Mama. I don't want to leave her. Baba is not here and she will so alone. I don't want to live without her. I cannot survive without her. She patted my back and I cried

"I don't want to leave you Mama. I want to stay with you forever".

She held me tighter as I uttered those agonizing words. She told me in her soft tone.