Split Sides

20 October 2022, 18:30

Tonight, I feel like Quentin Coldwater
After he was ousted from his beloved land of Fillory.
I was happy once, I used to have everything.
Love and compassion, in my hands in perpetuity.
But then the End of the World happened,
A tremendous rupture that tore me apart.
I was a mess but I fought through it all,
Trying to save what I once had.
But instead of being rewarded for my sacrifice,
I was kicked out of the place of my dreams.
Besmirched to no end as reckless,
Dangerous, and a threat to this place I cherished.
Driven out against my will,
I find myself back in the beginning,
Back where I first started.
No longer the past, but not yet the future.
I'm no longer the person I once was,
But I don't know whom I'll be next.
I let out a sigh of anguish,
All my emotions mixing in my moment of dejection.
Hurt and failure finding me again
When I thought I had buried them for good.
I lie down in my bed,
The very bed where I imagined my next adventures.
But that's my past life it seems,
And I look at the present with uncertainty and longing.
I yearn to return to those halcyon days,
Back when love and success were within my reach.
But I can't, and it won't.
No more of those golden years, no further.
I'm back to where it all began.
I guess these magical fantasies are well and truly over.
I'll have to make do with this mundane reality,
And make the most of my rough, solid circumstances.
Now that I've had some time to think it all over,
I realize now something so fragile could never last.
It's about damn time I start living
And learning to appreciate the world for what it is.
Its unyielding solidity
Is something I can grasp and hold.
Imagination is a glorious, comforting pastime I indulge in
Because dreams are where anything beautiful can happen.
But now it's the morning after the night before,
And now I see dreaming happens before waking up.
Damn, I can't believe I'm back in square one.