Split Sides

I Don't Want To Go Home, But I Don't Want To Stay Here

I hate it when this happens,
When the restless jitters get me again.
The day began with anticipation
And the night ended with rejection.
What I believed is meant to be
Didn't actually turn out that way.
The hopes I had were flushed down the drain,
Replaced with another bout of disappointment.
The cycle has repeated itself
And I'm none the wiser,
Only realizing my errors
Right after the lesson.
I put myself out there again,
Believing opportunity will be found there
But oh! How foolish I was to think it would be that way.
And in the end I left
Ashamed at being eager for nothing
And having wasted my time and money for this.
I stand on the other side of the bar
Where I thought the calling would come,
And begun to think of how
I keep returning to this exact situation.
I wish I had someone to be ashamed with,
Someone to take me somewhere better
To lift my spirits and soul,
Or to tell me that
It's okay to screw up and fail
And that it's not the end of the world.
Some things I want and need
That I continue to lack;
This has been the great challenge
That has bedeviled me
Since the very beginning,
And so I ask myself once more,
"Will I ever receive them
Or will I have to make do without them?"
Because this endless cycle has got to stop.
I'm burnt out from going through this
Over and over again.