Split Sides

A Seed of Light

This is a short piece reflecting on the possibilities of hope and change that can arise from a chance encounter. I feel that things are looking up for me now, and that while there will still be issues and problems to contend with, I go through them with the knowledge that they won't last forever. That things, no matter how bleak, can be turned around with time, effort, and dedication.

A few nights ago, something amazing happened to me: I found a firefly in my room and I was able to lay it on my palm before helping it on its way. It was amazing because it was the first time I interacted with one. Usually, when I see them, it's far away from the city, deep in the countryside, and in the stillness of the night do they come out and show themselves. But in this instance, it was right there; a small, vulnerable figure, lost and looking for its way home. I managed to snap a picture of it flickering on my palm before it left. And it was a moment rife with symbolism, it truly does. Because that firefly ending up on my hand, no matter how unlikely it was, represented something so small yet so filled with meaning. It felt like a tiny droplet of optimism, of a beneficial change. The kind propelled by hope rather than desperation. It was through that precious seed of light that I started to believe, not just feel or think but believe, that my life is finally turning a corner and turning for the better. Is this my second wind? I hope so. I'm a man with not much to lose, and not much to live for. That's why I needed this. I just need this.

I compare this moment to a scenario when a person discovers a singular peek of light after untold years spent in the cavernous darkness. After so many years living in the barren wilderness, after too many near-misses and false starts, this person has gotten so used to their impenetrable position that they couldn't imagine any other way. And now that they have finally found a way out, they found it problematic trying to readjust to the new normal. They struggle to get used to their new surroundings and situation. But they're out of that cavernous darkness, that's the very first step in that long process of renewal. That's where I find myself, just emerging from the barren wilderness, but having to start over from the beginning once more. It'll take a long time, perhaps a longer time than I would've wanted, but this is a good start to work with. After all, we all have to start somewhere. This just happens to be where I'm starting from.

I know I'll make it. I don't know when and how, but I'm sure I'll win in the end.