Split Sides

Give Me Your Hate

I've never had to do this before.

I always thought I'd make it on my own,

To stand on my two feet.

I was proud, and smart, and brilliant.

But it's now that I see

I'm too proud,

Too smart,

And too brilliant.

Now that the fissures start to show

And they're not stopping anytime soon.

I didn't see it then,

Because I was blinded with myself,

But now it's clear to me

Just how I've brought myself down.

Decades of mismanagement and inefficiency

Coupled with my avarice and selfishness

Have sent me tumbling down

Deeper than I could have ever imagined.

I've been far too irresponsible,

And far too vain,

To know I was wrong all along.

"What the hell were you thinking?" you ask.

Probably too much

Or not enough.

Then you'd circle on me,

Counting my faults and flaws

And all the things I did,

I didn't do,

And what I should have done.

I did things too much,

And did things too little.

I can tell you I was naïve

To believe in myself so much

To conquer all the things I hated in myself.

To sweep them aside

With my might and determination.

I really did think

I can be different from everyone,

By playing unorthodoxy

And running up the stream.

Oh, how I fooled so many with that!

And I even fooled myself

So many times, so many years.

And now, I'm paying the price.

Look at them, up there!

See them look at me

With shame and disgust in their eyes!

Just as I see shame and hatred in myself.

I'm living the life,

A life divorced from reality,

A life where nothing has happened,

And a life I want to see the end of.

Now that I've reached the nadir,

What lies out there?

What waits for me in the dark?

Because I'm in purgatory.

I won't be saved.

No amount of Our Fathers

Or Hail Marys

Would save me now.

Hand me your crown of thorns,

And watch me bleed,

So I can burn in hell for my misdeeds,

Just as I should.

Keep yourself away from me.

Don't find me,

And avoid me at all costs.

You don't need to put up with my mess,

You've got your life ahead of you.

Let me rot inside

And starve myself,

As penance for everything.

I'm so sorry I've let you down.

And now I must blindfold myself

And face the wall for the final time.

It's a strange way to live when you're loopy like me. Anyway, thanks for the love and votes.