Chapter Thirty Seven - Regret

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Chapter Song - Let Her Go by Passenger

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Chapter Song - Let Her Go by Passenger

Regret, an emotion close to a virus. It lumps in your throat, and diseases every cell in your body, slowly taking over until it's all you can think about. All you are, nothing else exists, because the regret is all that ceases. 

Almost a day has passed by since last night, and it took less than an hour of an empty house for the regret to settle in. Spreading it's toxicity and toying with my thoughts and mind, splashing me with our argument in every silent moment. 

"Where's mummy?" Hallie asks me again.

The girls haven't been happy with me since that night, and I'm not surprised. I spoke out irrationally, I overreacted and said words that I wish I could take back. But I said them and let them hang, she tried to pry for me to calm down, but I let the anger take control. 

"I want mummy," Bridie whines. 

"Where is she? Why'd you send her away?" Hallie questions, the girls nagging at my sides and I sink my face into my hands. 

Sitting up, I take in a deep breath. "I messed up, girls, big time," I admit to them. "I said things to mummy, words that hurt her and I should never of said them," I explain and they're silent. 

"Why? Why would you hurt mummy?" Hallie questions, while Bridie sniffles, as tears pill in her wide eyes. 

"Come here, Bridie," I try to lift her, but she pulls away. I deserve that, I deserve more than that. I don't deserve any chance to give an apology, I don't deserve forgiveness and I don't deserve to ever see her again after what I said. 

After I wished death on her brother. With everything she told me, after all their hardships together and rough childhoods, I still said that. The anger was all I felt, my thoughts were all over the place and I should've sat down and calmed myself. 

But I didn't. I lashed out and bit at the places I know are weak. I stabbed her where it hurts and didn't care, then I tossed her out. 

The way she looked at me with such hurt, but still such hope. So much hope and I crushed it all, everything I held in my hand, including her heart, I squashed in a matter of minutes. 

"I didn't want to hurt her, but I did," I say. "I got mad and let it control my words, which in turn hurt mummy in ways I'm not sure she'll forgive me for," I admit. 

They're both quiet for a second, Bridie still sniffing as she fights a few tears. "Come here, sweetie, please," I beg Bridie and she comes over, wrapping her arms around my neck. 

"Is she coming back?" Hallie asks, eyes wide and hopeful. Just like Daphne's.

I shake my head. "I'm not sure, baby," I say and she bursts into tears, along with Bridie. 

Hallie crawls onto my lap and I hold them closely to my chest, both of them shaking slightly as they cry. "Daddy, you have to get mummy back," Bridie mumbles.

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