The Final Choice

6

I still got that small feeling of jealously, when I knew that Colby was going to be out having fun, around so many hot girls. I didn't have the right. I had been the one to end it between us and I knew that. 

I hadn't wanted to end it. I really did want to make it work with him, but I was just too damaged. I tried so hard to trust him. It wasn't his fault that I didn't though. It was Will's. 

Every time I saw Colby with another girl, acting really friendly, I felt that familiar anxious feeling. The suspicious ate away at me, until I had to ask him about her. I knew that I was crazy and probably driving him crazy, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. 

It didn't matter how much I logically knew that he wasn't Will. He was a male that was supposed to love me and promised he wouldn't lie. My stupid brain couldn't fathom that there is somebody out there that might actually be telling the truth.

So, I ended it before he could start hating me. I couldn't deal with it, if he hated me...but fuck, I missed him.

I didn't know when the next time I would talk to him would be. He was busy and so was I. That was life and we were too far away from each other. Facetime was a miraculous thing, but there was still time and distance between us. 

Strangely, even though we didn't talk as much, I knew that he would always be there when, or if, I needed him. I smiled to myself, thinking about that. No matter what, he was always my best friend.

"Hey Mom!" I heard Ben call out. "Yeah?" I called back, as I stood up to go into the kitchen, where he was. "Were you talking to Colby?" he asked, smirking at me. 

The little shit thought he was grown now. I guess he almost was. He had cut his shaggy blonde hair short, but stylish, reminding me of Sam. His blue eyes twinkled behind his glasses, as he teased me, making me smile. 

"Shut up and give me a hug," I said, rolling my eyes. I held my arms out to the man child in front of me, marveling at how tall he was now. He wasn't going to be super tall, but he was an inch taller than me and that was crazy. I mean, I used to carry the kid around. 

His strong arms wrapped around me and I lay my head on his shoulder for a moment, remembering when the hard planes of his body used to be soft and childlike. 

For just a moment, tears threatened to come, when I remembered that he would be leaving me before I knew it. My entire life had been about him for so long. He had gotten me through some of the toughest times in that life. How was I supposed to just let him go?

I knew that I had too though. That's what raising a child was about, right? Letting them grow up and make their own way. To make their own life and their own family. As much as I wanted an amazing, happy life for him, the thought was so painful, it stole my breath. 

I held onto him for a few more long seconds, before I let him go. "Are you okay, Momma?" he asked, gently, as he looked down at me. I smiled and nodded. "I'm okay. Just a little emotional because you're growing up so fast."

"You're such a crybaby," he teased, grinning at me. "Shut it, punk," I laughed. "I can still beat you up." 

We ragged on each other, while he finished eating his dinner, then he went to his room to play the game with his online friends. I was alone, once again, with nothing to do. 

I had been feeling so restless lately. Like I needed to do something, or go somewhere. I needed out of the same old every day routine. Just for a little while. I sighed, knowing those moments were few and far between, and walked to room.

I had absolutely nothing to do and no one to talk too. 

Colby was going to a party. Sherri and I hardly spoke anymore. She was wrapped up in her own life, just like I was. I texted Denise a couple of times a week, to stay in touch, but I hadn't seen her in forever.