The Final Choice

8

I didn't get a chance to talk to Denise the next day, or even the next few days, but her offer was always in the back of my mind. 

Not just because of how extreme it was, but also because I knew that Colby was moving to Vegas. I couldn't remember exactly when, but what if I saw him? What would happen between us? 

I mean, we were just friends now, but what if I saw him with someone else? I didn't know if I could mentally handle that. I still had feelings for him. Maybe I always had, in a way. It seemed different now, since we had technically been in some weird type of relationship.

I didn't want to say boyfriend and girlfriend, because that just sounded so childish to me.

My mind was constantly racing, while I went about my daily chores and errands, thinking about "what if I said yes?" 

What if I went to Vegas with Denise? What's the worst thing that could happen? 

I learned pretty quickly to NOT ask myself that, because I had an excellent imagination and everything from our plane sending us to a fiery death, to getting mugged and killed in the streets of Las Vegas, played itself out in my mind. 

Anxiety was still a bitch.

I decided to talk to my mom about the offer that Denise had given me. I mean, she helped me through everything else in my life, so why not?

"Hey Mom," I said, softly, as I walked into her room. She was sitting up in her bed, glasses on her face, with her large print Bible open in her lap. 

She looked up and gave me a smile so full of love, it warmed my heart. 

"Hey baby, you okay?" she asked, as marked her spot and closed her Bible. "Yeah, I'm okay. There's just something that I need your advice on," I replied, with a heavy sigh.

"Well, I don't know if I can help, but I can try," she replied, looking worried. She was always worried about me. 

I smiled and tried to think of how to ask her. I already knew that she wouldn't agree with me getting on a plane, because she was very likely the reason that I was terrified of flying. 

Maybe I was subconsciously hoping that she would lay down the law and tell me that I wasn't allowed to go, adult or not.

"So, Denise asked me if I wanted to go on this trip with her the weekend after next. Just us. It sounds like fun, but there's so much that I would have to take care of and...it's pretty far away," I said, looking down at my hands in my lap.

I started scratching at random spot of something crusty on my jeans. Where the fuck did that come from?

"How far away?" she asked, apprehensively. 

"Um, Las Vegas," I muttered, quietly. "Callie, speak up. You know I can't hear you," she instructed. 

I sighed again and lifted my head to meet her gaze.

"Las Vegas, Momma. I'd have to get on a plane, but it's for her job, so it's all covered. It's like a free trip. I would just need to take spending money." Then I started rambling, letting every little thing that I was worried about spill out of my mouth.

"But, I would have to find someone to watch after you and check in on Ben and make sure the animals and the house are taken care of, because you know that no one here will do it. They'll just let you work your butt off, which you would do because I wouldn't be here to tell you not too. I don't even know who to ask though," I said, then took a deep breath.

"Plus, Las Vegas is a crazy city from what I've heard. I'd probably have a panic attack several times a day and that's not even including the plane ride. I don't know. I mean, it is probably a once in a lifetime experience for me, and there are probably a million amazing things that I could do but..."