and we fell

Chapter 17

SOFIA

Although we really wanted to go out again, the next two weeks we couldn't. I have been busy in the weekends attending a charity gala in the name of Cordelia in Boston and the other weekend I was called at a tea party. And, like every royal member is forced to think, duty first. No matter how much I wanted to see Alec, I had to present myself to official functions first.

He told me he understands and is okay with it, however I know he wasn't. He started drinking again. And smoking. His best friend caught him so wasted once, he had to invent an excuse and bring him home. I found that out from April, whose brother is in the cool guys gang and knew the truth. But I know he's drunk. It's from the way he texts me. His messages are more direct and more demanding. When he's sober, he only sometimes gives me commands and they're usually meant as a joke. Now, he commands the whole time. Talk to me. Need me. Have me. They don't sound like the texts he'd normally write me.

I'm honestly scared as I wait for him in front of my door on Saturday. I don't know what he'll say. Or what he'll do. I feel bad for having these thoughts, yet as I see him come, they are all justified. He isn't just drunk, he's wasted. Can't even walk straight. He's riding his motorbike waiting for me, greets me with nothing but calling out my name. And not even my nickname. He calls me "Sofia". My heart breaks.

I'm happy Darrel hasn't noticed it yet. He was still checking out something in the house and said he'll come after us. I don't want to wait for him. He can't see Alec like this. So I do the first thing I have in mind.

Alec is so lost, he doesn't mind me going through his pockets. Only breathes heavier. That's how I find the keys to his ride and his keycard from the penthouse. Although I've never ridden before, I put his helmet on, put mine, and tell him to sit on the backseat. He doesn't even protest. Sober Alec would try to convince me not to do it. This one doesn't care if I get hurt.

I start driving and I have to scream. I'm afraid. Yet this is my only shot. I text Darrel we've already left and make my way along the street and on the highway. I shiver. It's dark. And cold. And the wind goes through my hair. I haven't dressed fitting for this. I'm wearing one of my Chanel outfits, with a black blazer and skirt, white top, knee-long thighs and loafers. And, of course, my pearls. Not the biker girl aesthetic outfits one would expect from someone who rides these things.

I'm pretty sure I'm doing something illegal. Driving without a license. I don't have a car license not to mention a motorbike one. I don't even know if one needs a license. All I want and think about is bringing Alec safe. I even force the anger away. I'm angry at Alec for his behaviour. I'm angry at myself for trying to convince myself he'll change. And I'm angry at us for having this chemistry.

I luckily get in front of his hotel in one piece. I keep my helmet on, take his off though. One might suspect something if we both enter masked. I keep him by his waist as we enter, so that he doesn't fall. And I hate myself for feeling like I'm burning because I'm touching him. I'm holding his waist because he can't walk straight, not because he had just done a big romantic gesture or something.

The receptionist greets him and he nods. I also nod. I lead him to the elevator and remember what April told me. He lives on the last two floors. That's the button I press. As we arrive, I use the keycard to open the door. Making sure he doesn't bump into something, I enter with him through the door and open the lights. And I freeze. The room doesn't look anything like how I expected it. It's a modern apartment, all with white walls and black and grey artworks on the wall. Everything is big and expensive. Everything is exactly where it should be. Nothing is messy, nothing is thrown on the ground or something. The whole place is just perfect.

I take off the helmet and tiptoe my way along the rooms til I find his bedroom. That's where I place him on the bed. It only takes a few seconds and he's already asleep. I have time to look at him. He's perfect. He really is. Except for his hair. I wish it were shorter. Gently, I go with my fingers through his locks. I can feel him breathing harder. I want to stop, afraid that I'll wake him up, yet my fingers touch something on the skin of his neck I didn't expect. It's a scar. A long scar, as long as the neck is. I freeze and wonder how he got it. I'm not sure I want to know.

I silently walk out of the bedroom and into the living room. That's when his phone chimes. I slowly take it out, although I shouldn't, but I didn't want it to disturb him. I want him to get a good sleep. So that he can come back to me. The real him.

As I am on the couch in another room, the phone chimes again. Two times. I can't help but look at the screen. It's from a guy called Adam. I remember Alec said Adam is his best friend. However the name isn't the thing that makes me freeze. But the texts.

ADAM: You'd better tell me you didn't go on your date.

ADAM: Should I remind you, you were smoking when you left?! No one drives when they just smoked! And definitely they don't drive the person they love in this state.

ADAM: If you really love her, you'd better tell me you skipped the date, Alec.

I freeze. He wasn't just wasted but he also smoked. And he wanted to drive me. He wanted me to trust him.

All trust died. And it cut deep.

Tears start rolling down my face. I am so filled with anger I want to puke. I can't handle it anymore. I hate myself that I can't even hate him. I like him. A lot. And yet I hate him too. And myself.

I am a mess.

In my mess state, I take the first pen and paper I find and write it all down. A big goodbye letter. Which I stick with duct tape to the wall. I then take my phone and don't know who to call. I'm afraid to be alone. So I remain staring at the lock screen for a while. It's a photo of me and Nini. I look at the clock: 23:45. And the date: 29th of October. And again at the photo. And I find the person I call.

She picks up at the first ring:

"Soph?" I hear my bestie's voice. As I don't reply and she hears me sigh, she panics: "Soph? Are you okay? What happened?"

I cannot not cry as I speak out the next sentence: "He's drunk, Nini. And high. He's drunk and high. And this is how he came to our date."

Nini sighs sad and says: "Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. I'm on my way to pick you up."

"I don't want to come home, Nini. I want to go away."

She doesn't understand, but I can hear her worry. She's breathing faster as usual. After a while, I ask her: "What are you doing next week?"

"Class. But we have to work on a individual piece so I don't necessarily have to go at university, I can work from home," she pauses before she continues: "Why?"

"Can you also do it from somewhere far away?" I ask. 

Her answer comes in the same worried tone."Yeah. What do you have in mind?"

"I'll tell you when I'm home," I say and hang up. Then I put the helmet back on and walk outside, waiting for Nini and Darrel to come pick me up.

I hate this place.