and we fell

Chapter 19

ALEC

As I wake up, I am a mess. And not just because of the headache I have from the fact I drank. I am a mess. Something happened. I try to focus, although the pain is big, and try to remember what happened. Images come blurry through my head. Foxy. All I can see is Foxy.

I tiptoe my way out of my room and to the living room and that's when I see it. A piece of paper. Stuck with big black duct tape on my wall.

I pull it off and take it into my hands. I shiver as I read it. It's not just any letter but a goodbye letter. From Foxy.

I hate you. I hate you so much. You made me believe I liked you. You made me believe I want you. You once ignored me because I didn't trust you. Then I did. I trusted you! I did as you asked me. And look where it led me.

You wanted to drive me being drunk. You wanted to drive me being high. What if something happened? What if we would have crashed, and I would have died. Would you have even noticed? Would you have even cared?

I don't think so.

Would you have cared, if I died?

You made me hate myself, you asshole. You made me hate myself!

And you know what the worst part is: you were right. I started dreaming about you. Now all my dreams will turn to nightmares.

My body's frozen and I can feel tears rolling down my face. I never cry. Never. But I need her. I need Foxy.

Quickly, I get out and to my bike. As I stare at it, I remember Foxy's words: Would you have cared, if I died? I swallow hard. And can't look at the vehicle anymore. All I see is her.

I get in the first taxi and tell the driver the address to her dorm room. The traffic is shit so I spend too much time waiting. Waiting, to get to her. Only after half an hour I finally arrive in front of her dorm. I rush my way inside and knock at her door. Many times. I don't know how many. I just want to see her. I need Foxy.

However, it isn't Foxy who opens the door. But a petite brunette, probably as tall as Foxy, with a pair of headphones around her neck. As she sees me, she gasps and bangs the door in my face. She probably knows what happened. I knock again, and as the door opens this time, the brunette isn't alone anymore. Next to her is a dark-skinned girl, as tall as the brunette, looking at me with her arms crossed.

"Dunn. How can I help you?" the new girl asks. I now recognize her. She's Davis 'little sister. Kai Davis, vice-captain of the football team, he's one of the guys I sometimes hang out with because of my friendship with the captain, Noah.

"Davis. Where's Sofia?" I ask, my tone frozen. The girl turned angry.

"She left early. Went back home." She takes a step closer to me, threatening. "Now, she didn't tell us the reason why she left. But she was a mess. Very sad. Would you care to explain?"

Oh, so they don't know. This means the brunette was just scared of me because I'm me and not because she knows what happened. I wasn't going to tell them though.

"Goodbye!" I say leaving. On the way, I could hear Davis swearing at me. I don't care. Foxy takes priority.

Outside, I've been trying to call her. Sixteen times. Every time, it just hit the voicemail. So, I decided to wait. Write her later. Text her. Call her again. I wanted to apologize.

~

I start to call her again at dinner time. I decided that she might look at her phone then. I have insisted this time as well. Fourteen calls. Followed by fifty messages. She ignored them all. I continue. It wasn't until after the sixty-second message that she texts me back.

HER: You need to stop, Alec. I'm blocking this number. I swear.

I breath as I see her message. However, my lungs are like frozen when I see what the message says.

ME: Where the hell are you, Foxy? You scared the shit out of me.

Her answer comes in the same heart-breaking tone.

HER: Far from you.

HER: So safe.

I don't answer. I can't. I feel like frozen.

HER: You need to stop. Seriously. I hate you.

ME: Don't say that, Foxy. Please don't. You're breaking my heart. You're breaking my fucking heart.

HER: You broke me first.

I swallow hard knowing she's right. I broke her.

ME: I am so sorry, Foxy. I swear. I'm sorry.

ME: Please. Please forgive me.

She doesn't accept my apologies.

HER: You wanted to drive me drunk, Alec.

HER: We could have died. I could have died.

HER: And you wouldn't have even cared.

Tears roll down my face again. I am on the walkway in front of her dorm, and people are watching. Yet I don't care. I need her to know I like her. I love her really. How could I not care if she died?!

ME: Don't say that, Foxy. I would have cared.

HER: Oh, really. What would you have done?

ME: I would have crashed too. Life without you is hollow.

I guess she's shocked. She doesn't answer for a while. After that, she says:

HER: I don't believe you.

ME: You said you trusted me.

HER: That was before. All trust died last night.

Again, silence. I can't feel my breath anymore. It's then I ask:

ME: You said you dreamt about me. Is that true?

Her answer comes again delayed:

HER: It is. Unfortunately. Now I don't have to run away from you only during daytime, but also during the night. Thanks so much for that. You screwed me up.

ME: That's not true. Please, Foxy, don't say that. Please.

HER: But it is. And I'm going to ask you one more damn time, Alec. Stop. Stop thinking about me. Stop wanting me. You broke me. You broke my heart.

HER: And before I stop talking to you, one more thing. You think you're so cool, don't you?! With your smoking and drinking and shoulder long hair. Well, guess what?! I hate that you drink. And I hate that you smoke. And I hate the way your hair is so long. I hate it. So, stop.

HER: Goodbye, Alec.

And before I can say anything else, she blocks the contact.

Leaving me frozen.

People thought I was dark before but if they saw me now, I am worse. I am empty. Without Foxy, I am nothing.

And I lost her.