and we fell

Chapter 22

SOFIA

I need a break. I've avoided Alec a whole week now. I swear. Every time in the canteen, I didn't look his way so our eyes can't meet. I haven't even gone past the motorbike parking lot in case he's there parking his. I haven't been in the business school building, since that's his major and I was afraid I might bump into him there. I did literally all I could. But I needed a break. So today, on my free period, I go to the one place that helps calm me down. The rooftop terrace.

As the last time I've been here, I ask Darrel to wait in front of the door and he luckily agrees. Which means, I get to be alone. Exactly what I want.

However, the luck isn't on my side lately. And, of course, I don't get to be alone. And, you guessed it, the person who is there is the last person I want to see right now. The person I've been trying to avoid. That's right, Alec Dunn is there, again with his back at the door, leaning on the railing. He's wearing his usual black tux without shirt and he looks perfect again. Even his hair. Which I want to ruffle.

He turns around and tenses as he sees me. He's nervous. I'm shocked. And frozen. And yet, I'm the first one to speak: "I can see you cut your hair. Why?"

I must have sounded dumb. But I need to know.

He swallows hard and answers: "We both know the answer to that question, Foxy."

I open my mouth to say something. Then close it again. And don't know how to answer.

"I fucked up, Foxy," he begins. "I really did. I did a mistake. I thought I deserved you. I could never deserve you. You're perfect. And I am anything but. Sometimes I wonder, how Earth deserved you. And if our whole planet doesn't deserve you, then how am I to stand a chance?"

I swallow hard and can feel a chill go down my spine. He continues: "You said I wouldn't care if you died. I would. And if you die, I die. Even if I would still be living, I would be dead inside. So, what's the point of a body if there's no soul to guide it?"

I shiver harder. He notices and stops talking. However, only for a few seconds. Then, he continues: "I screwed up, Foxy. Coming at you that night was the biggest mistake of my life. I know you could never forgive me for what I did. There is no forgiveness. And I also know that you hate me. You said it enough times. I am going to ask you however not to say it again. Until now I've only had to read it. Hearing and seeing you say that might leave me even more broken than I am. And trust me, Foxy, I am broken. I don't think there's a word to describe how I feel since the day you left."

I swallow hard and want to say something. He beats me to it and says the last thing I expected to hear: "I love you, Foxy. I never thought I was capable of love. Yet, here I am. You gave me feelings I could have never believed possible. You messed with my head. And you can hate me. You can fucking kill me, Foxy, if that's what you want. My heart is and will only ever be yours. I know I screwed up. And I know you might not forgive me soon. Yet, I do plan on winning you back one day. No matter how long it takes. I want you to be mine, Foxy. But until then, you should know I'm yours."

My heart beats faster. I can't feel my legs anymore. I always thought that when someone says, "I love you", that's all they say. Those three words. But not Alec. Alec gave me his world. He was mine. And he said it.

And I want to be his.

"It's going to take time," I answer, not knowing how else to put the thought aside. 

His face changes into being sad, yet, after a while, he says: "I know. But I told you. I'm going to wait."

He bends down and takes out a wrapped present. He comes closer, and I instinctively take a step back. I can see his heart breaking in his eyes. He doesn't come closer, just hands me the present, trying to smile. Yet, he's too broken to succeed.