and we fell

Chapter 56

SOFIA

Two months and a half  later

"Good morning, darling!" Victor says, coming inside the room with a coffee mug in his hands. I don't remember how I ended up in his bed. Or how I fell asleep in his clothes. All that I know is that it is wrong. So wrong.

Says the girl who has been dating him for a month now.

Fair enough. I have been dating Victor for a month now. But I don't think dating is the right word to describe it. We've been hanging out. He always makes nice gestures like bringing me flowers or taking me on dates. I smile and hug him. We've kissed once and it has been all but a perfect kiss. He's seen it that way. He said: Oh, Sofia. You sure know how to kiss. All I've heard was: If you kiss me now, I don't think I could ever stop. I want you to be mine, Foxy. Once our lips meet, you become mine.

It's fucked up but true.

Father is the one who got super excited about me and Victor being "together". He even started planning out our wedding. Because in theory, Victor is the perfect husband. He's royalty, so part of that small group of men that I can actually marry. He's charming and handsome and has good relations around the business and political world. He is always there for me and makes me smile. He makes me feel good.

He doesn't make me feel loved. Or wanted. Or desired.

"Let's make a quick recap, how did I end up in your bed?" I ask him, my cheeks red. Victor smirks and comes to meet my lips. I shiver. But not because I like it. But because I don't like it.

"We were watching a movie..." he begins and memories of last night flash through my head.

"Right. We were watching a movie."

"Pride and Prejudice..." he continues, slightly amused and in the mood to tease me. 

"Right. Pride and Prejudice."

I start to feel dumb, yet he continues teasing me. "I still can't believe you had a thing for Mr. Darcy. I mean, he isn't even real." He adds and I highly regret ever telling him that.

"It was only a phase." I begin, trying to explain myself.

"When you were younger, right? I mean, not now?" He asks a bit worried, questioning my sanity.

"Victor, I'm eighteen. When did you expect me to have a crush on Mr. Darcy? When I was in diapers?!"

"No, but...I don't know...Anyway..." he says, trying to find a different topic for us to talk about. "Here," he adds nervous, handing me the coffee mug.

I thank him yet panic the moment I look inside. Because it's not the drink I would have anything to see in that mug right now that fills the cup. It's a ring box.

"Victor..." I say, can't believing my eyes.

"Sofia," he begins, going down on one knee. My heart stopped beating. "I know it's only been a few weeks since we've met, yet there is no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. I would like to be there for you, through good or bad, and help you with all your duties. Will you marry me?", he continues. My brain clearly started malfunctioning, since I even consider saying yes.

You love Alec.

Alec isn't here and will never come back.

You are cheating on him.

He broke up with me first.

You don't love Victor.

I don't now but maybe I'll start learning to love him.

You love Alec.

I need to move on. Alec has been a part of my every thought for the last two months. I thought that coming back to Cordelia and being far away from him might help me love him less but I was wrong. So wrong. I only think about him. It doesn't matter if near him or miles apart, he still finds a way to control my heart. Even if my heart isn't supposed to be his anymore.

I need to let go. And maybe a commitment is exactly the thing that will force me to do so.

That's all I think of as I let my finger slip inside the diamond ring and say "I do".