MELANCHOLY [S.T. B. Hargrove]

29

"So, let me get this straight," Max begins.

"Oh, god. Who are you, Nancy Wheeler?" I complain.

"What?" she asks.

"Forget it. Just.. what?"

"You and Billy are dating?"

I feel like we kind of skipped right over the 'date' part.. 

"Yes," I decide.

"And you two were going to leave Hawkins? Like.. forever?"

"Maybe not forever. Just until Neil like.. straightened his shit out."

"Wait.." Max gasps and turns in her seat to look at me. "You're the girl they were arguing about the other night?"

Argue.. Susan mentioned Billy and Neil got into a fight before Billy left.

"Depends.." I nervously mutter. "What were they saying?"

"Neil was yelling at Billy because he was 'throwing his life away for a whore'."

"Okay.."

"And then Billy yelled back because he swore that this girl was different and he loved her."

"What?" El asks, surprised.

"I know, right? I was laying in bed like 'what the hell? Billy? Love someone other than himself?'."

"What else was there?"

"Neil called her something weird. i don't even know what it meant."

I sigh and scratch my temple. "Wetback?"

"Yeah.. how'd you know?"

"Because it was me that they were arguing about."

"You and Billy are.. together.." Eleven whispers.

I glance to Max. She had a scowl on her face and her arms were crossed.

"Hey.." I call to Max. "Look, I'm sorry. I know the situation isn't best but-"

"How many times do I have to keep telling you that you deserve better than him?" she asks. "And now.. now you were planning to run away together?"

Why did I feel like I was a child getting scolded?

"I know you have your issues, but Max-"

"Do you love him?"

"Max-"

"Do you love him? Yes or no?"

I take a deep breath. "Yes. Yes, Max. I love Billy."

"Great," she scoffs. "That's just awesome. Both of you love each other, isn't that great?"

"I understand you're upset-"

"He's an asshole, Rocky! And after all you've been through, you deserve to be happy."

"Billy makes me happy!" I say, louder. "All right, Max? Billy makes me happy."

"Why?" she complains. "How could Billy possibly make you happy?"

"I don't know, Max. Why does Lucas make you happy?"

"That-"

"Because he's an absolute idiot that makes you laugh when you're sad. Because he's serious and that makes you feel grounded to what's going on around you. Because he gets on your nerves so much that all you want to do is shut him up either by kissing him or throwing something at him."

Max huffs. "So?"

"So, that's how Billy makes me feel," I admit. "I can't stand his stupid, perfect face and yet all I want to do is stare at him until I die."

"You deserve better."

"Everyone always thinks their best friends deserve better," I assure.

"Is that why you said I should dump Mike's ass?" El speaks up from the backseat.

"What?" I question.

"I dumped Mike's ass," El shrugs. "He treated me like garbage."

"How so?"

"He lied."

"Haven't you lied to him before?"

"But.. he lied about his Nana being sick."

"Why?"

"Because he didn't want to spend time with me."

"El.. Max.." I sigh. "Sometimes, guys need space. You know when you feel really overwhelmed and upset and you just want everyone to leave you alone?"

"A lot," El agrees.

I look to Max. She shrugs.

"Sometimes," she admits.

"Guys have those feelings, too. And you can't stick around with them 24/7."

"Why not? You just said you wanted to stare at Billy's 'stupid, perfect' face," El reminds.

"That doesn't mean I can actually do that. Girls, people need space. You can't hang on them like a monkey. Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

"What does that mean?" Max wonders.

"It means that sometimes it's okay to miss your boyfriend. That makes it so much more exciting when you finally see each other again."

"Aren't you panicking right now because you're not with Billy?" El asks.

"That's different. Billy could be in danger. Mike probably just wanted to hang out with the boys, especially since Dustin is back in town."

"How do you know when to not be around them?"

"You just need to be your own person. When you start becoming just 'Mike Wheeler's girlfriend' or 'Lucas Sinclair's girlfriend', then it's time to remind yourself that you're so much more than just your partner."

I look to Max who was staring out the window. Then, I peer into the rearview mirror to see Eleven.

"Does that make sense?" I ask the girls.

"Kind of," El agrees, nodding.

"You're more than just some guy's girlfriend. You deserve to be known as you before somebody's someone."

I pull up in front of the Hargrove house and curse.

"His car isn't here," Max notes.

"But, Neil's is," I sigh.

"We'll go," Max says. "We'll have a look around."

"Around.. Billy's room?" I ask.

"For clues," Max says, getting out of the car as El follows.

"Don't open his nightstand!" I shout after them.