MELANCHOLY [S.T. B. Hargrove]

62

"I'm sick of guys thinking I don't know how to handle and take care of myself," Nancy huffs as she saws madly at the shotgun.

"Jason?" I clarify.

"He tried telling me how to use a gun. Me. Like I need help to know how to fire a goddamn gun."

"They make up for having tiny dicks by having big egos. That's just men for you," I remind.

"I know. I mean.. Jonathan does that sometimes. It's different, but.. it still sucks. He knows I can take care of my own shit, he's just concerned."

My eyebrows raise in surprise as she mentions Jonathan.

"What?" she asks, pausing the sawing motion.

"You haven't talked about him much. And when you do.. Steve's name follows soon after."

"Don't do that," she pleads. "We're talking battle strategy. Not boy problems."

"First of all.. that's basically the same thing," I note, causing Nancy to laugh. "And second.. is that you admitting that you have a boy problem?"

"I have a life problem."

"Don't we all?" I chuckle.

"I dont' know it's just.. Fighting without Jonathan here.. I don't know. I feel like my head is more clear. Plus, Mike isn't here. Is that me being happy that they're not at risk or.. that I don't have them in my way?"

"Both can be true, Nance."

"Jonathan has seen that I can handle myself. But, he still hovers. Then, when we're not dealing with like.. trauma and Upside Down demons- he disappears."

"How so?"

Nancy tilts her head. "When Jonathan and I went to Murray's before.. Murray said something about how our strongest bond is our 'shared trauma'. I thought it was some kind of personality trait or quirk, but.."

"You're learning that you can't build a future off your past?" I figure it out.

Nancy heaves out a big breath like a weight was lifted. "Exactly. How'd you know?"

"I had to let go of a lot of past shit to let myself be open for a future with Billy. Plus, this whole Vecna thing has made me understand my past trauma shouldn't stain me as a person moving forward. The past happens, but.. it doesn't define how the rest of our life plays out, you know?"

"I thought I knew. But, the past few weeks have been making me question how much I really know. I knew everything in high school. Now.. this adult thing is really throwing me for a loop."

"Can't stay sixteen forever," I understand. "But.. just because you wanted something at sixteen doesn't mean it's what you want at twenty-five."

"Ro, I don't even know what I want for next week."

I release the part of the gun I was holding and throw my arms around Nancy's shoulders. She sighs and wraps her arms around my waist.

"You don't have to know what you want right now. Now is when we're learning and exploring. Finding what we like."

"I think we've had plenty of adventure with the Upside Down," she mumbles into my shoulder.

"Have you ever been outside of the US, Nance?"

"No. I've only been out of Hawkins a couple of times."

"I say.." I pull back, placing my hands on her shoulders. "We kick Vecna's ass and then we go on a girl's trip."

"Girl's trip?" she scoffs at the thought.

"Me, you, Robin.. we can just go somewhere that's not here for a little while."